posted by SecksCab on June 17, 2008 7:01 AM in Games, Geek Culture
Oy....
Oscar Wilde once stole a bit from William Shakespeare, who in turn stole it from me, when he said "Brevity is the soul of wit." To verify this undisputed truth, old people are very rarely funny. Occasionally you'll meet a truly hilarious geriatric delinquent, like those old bastards who yank out their dentures to scare small children and rodents, but for the most part, old people aren't very funny at all. The longer something goes on, the less funny it is. This is a solemn, brutal reality, and something I'm about to prove, because this is going to be a very long article, and I dare you to find something to laugh about while reading it.
Take, for instance, The Satyricon by a dead old Roman named Petronius. The thing is supposed to be a hilarious comedy of errors as a slave is freed and suddenly inherits millions of drachma, in sort of a Sid Meier version of Brewster's Millions. This thing goes on and on and on and on, until finally you realize that there is absolutely nothing funny about it all, and you're just reading pages of what the nouveau-riche Roman ate for dinner (flamingo tongues and stuffed dormouse, BTW). It's absolutely dreadful. Still, they classify it as a "comedy", and it apparently was considered to be so in it's day. The Emperor Nero, a man with a high sense of camp if ever there was one, found absolutely nothing funny in The Satyricon, and sentenced Petronius to commit suicide for besmirching his family's reputation with anti-comedy. To further prove that drawing things out beyond their duly alloted minutes is unfunny, Petronius spent his last evening alive reading poetry loudly while slowly bleeding himself to death, tying and untying a tourniquet around his arm during the course of this terminally unfunny party.
Watching Kung Fu Grip is very much like watching Petronius commit suicide. It's long, it's painful, and there's a certain post-ironic bent in knowing that everything about it has already been done somewhere else, funnier. The concept is relatively simple, much like it's intended audience. Some fleeting source of gamer humor is drawn out, suffocated, drawn, quartered, defenestrated, and finally dunked under an icy lake like Rasputin with action figures and dolls. Much hilarity is presumed by invocation of rape, poop jokes and casual racism.
Now, to be fair, I like jokes about rape, bowel movements and casual racism. I am quite the connoisseur, actually. To do these sorts of jokes correctly, they must be served like prosciutto, not like Spam. Thinly sliced, delicately positioned, and surrounded by as many tasteful things as possible. And then jammed up one's nose.
The problem is that we've already seen this thing before, both in ToyFare Magazine's "Twisted Toy Theater" and the mindbogglingly dreary Robot Chicken on Cartoon Network. The advantage that both of these have is production value and the creative goad that is editors/producers/advertisers. The Internet, being srious bizness and all, tends to breed a certain sort of "entertainer" without any sort of limitations to guide the flow of their creativity, leading to a free-for-all of bad taste, bad production, bad timing.
I hate to end a review on a hateful note, call it the softening of this barnacle encrusted heart of mine. Kung Fu Grip... I admire your Mickey Rooney "HEY KIDS LET'S PUT ON A SHOW!" kind of mentality.
Onward and upward!
On the opposite end of the scale is Broken Pixels, a weekly offering starring the Internet's version of Baby Jane, Seanbaby. Seanbaby is a firm believer in the Law of Anti-Charisma, which states that you will be much more interesting, funny and charming if you surround yourself by persons who are socially inept, unfunny and boring. Broken Pixels is a show about old, bad video games, territory that Seanbaby staked and claimed over a decade ago.
For those of us who are old timers at this Internetting thing, Seanbaby used to be the end-all-be-all of awesome websites. His site was witty, well designed, original (for the time) and, most important for the New Media, completely self-absorbed. Seanbaby is an arrogant ass and we loved him for it. He knew we love him for it. And we kept going back. Then, in about 2001, his site went dead, a bleak relic of what we thought was the end of an era. He resurfaced in EGM as their "Crazy Back Of The Magazine Rant" Guy (i.e. what I do here) and occasionally showed up on G4 shows from time to time.
Broken Pixels is a mixed bag. Like I said before, brevity is not this show's gimmick. While each episode is about 15 minutes long, it's at least broken up into several bad games before wrapping up. The hope is to be a Mystery Science Theater 3000 for video games, with Seanbaby and pals yakking it up and exposing some true horrors. Unlike the utterly brilliant Zero Punctuation, which takes brevity to a level of grandeur not seen since Peppin the Short, Broken Pixels takes it's time. Seanbaby takes many long, languid sips of beer.
At the risk of continuing to talk and breaking the brevity thing (oh well, you weren't laughing anyway), most of the games Broken Pixels is mocking have been mocked ad nauseum online for years. The Cho Aniki series, for example, is the standard by which Japanese weirdness can be measured, the Greenwich Mean Time of Nippophilic Insanity. The oddball rail shooter, Space Pirates, has been dissected and snickered at for almost as long. There's just not that much ground here to cover that hasn't been covered.
BUT!
And there is a but! There really is! I swear!
The real charm of Broken Pixels is not the video games, not the set-up. The charm is the feeling that you're sitting around, listening to guys tell bullshit stories and goof off. At the risk of sounding like I'm hitting on him, Seanbaby has some really, really great stories to tell. One story, referred to here as the "Spunk Burrito" story, is worth the entire price of admission. What Broken Pixels does that I can appreciate is basically take an established format, surround it with a specific topic, and then let a few funny people be funny. It's similar to Stephen Fry's Q.I. in that way. Kung Fu Grip takes the same approach, but fails. Why? NOW YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN THE BURGERS.
So: brevity is the soul of
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posted by Jinny on February 18, 2008 9:38 AM in Video Game Review
Today we meet a brand-new member of The Weekly Geek family. She is an experienced writer and The Weekly Geek's business manager. As a gamer who has just recently been inaugurated into the "hardcore" ranks, I believe she is going to provide a new perspective that is refreshing in this world of cookie-cutter game reviews and news. She hates the girl-gamer stereotype and is currently forming a vast army to rid the world of cliché Please welcome Jinny to The Weekly Geek! -- Chris
Strategy games, being the games of my people, have always held a special place in my heart. What self-respecting Korean doesn’t remember the countless nights of playing Starcraft until the sun comes up? Advance Wars: Days of Ruin is quickly becoming my Starcraft, as I play it twice daily during my lengthy bus commute. Having been so engrossed in my battles against the Lazurian army, I’ve almost missed my stop on numerous occasions. This being said, I normally suck at video games. I don’t play video games because I’m good at them, but because of the immense joy they bring me. If you’re looking for a review of this game that cites plotlines from previous versions, compares gameplay with the introduction of new units, and refers to a buttload of gaming history, these are the reviews for you. I’m hoping to bring you a fresher perspective because I am literally the new kid on this figurative block.
Days of Ruin is the first in the series that I have had the pleasure to play, but fear not, because your dutiful servant has done some research on the previous games for adequate background. Thanks, Wikipedia, even if you are run by the ‘Lord of the Universe.’ From what I understand, the game introduces an entirely new set of characters. Will, our protagonist, wakes to find most of the world annihilated. While he is anxiously scouring the area for other survivors, he encounters The Beast and his minions, who threaten to kill him. Good fortune is soon bestowed upon Will, as Captain Brenner, leader of the 12th battalion (aka Brenner’s Wolves), and his second-in-command, Lin, come to his rescue. I found myself fully engaged in the first battle despite its ease. Upon completion, Brenner and Lin inform Will about the disastrous meteor and how it caused a dark cloud of dust to block out the sun entirely. Having taken notice of the gaming community’s sensitivity to spoilers, I will not “give away” any more of the plot, but it is meaty and delicious. Enjoy! If you’re really that curious, you can read about it here. Let it be known that I wasn’t the culprit who corrupted your virgin eyes because everything I have said happens in the first 10 minutes.
The game is friggin’ HARD! When I finally got to the 11th level (26 levels total), I found myself failing miserably and having to replay each level at least twice to be successful. I beat level 14 by the skin of my teeth and experienced the most epic battle between my G-boat and an enemy G-boat. My strategy? Starve them out! I destroyed all their rigs so enemy units couldn’t re-supply. Also, it took a while for my itty-bitty brain to figure out that I shouldn’t attack large, menacing tanks with little dudes on bikes. The battle scenes were entertaining to watch and for my first few hours of playtime, I sat through each and every cut scene. I haven’t had much of a chance to delve into the multiplayer aspect of the game because…I have no excuse, especially since local multiplayer games only require one DS game card! Friend codes are not a requirement for online multiplayer because you can play against random challengers. I think, however, I’ll skip getting my ass handed to me by strangers until I hone my skills somewhat.
The tone of the dialog seems a bit too buoyant to deal with the dark subject matter of a post-apocalyptic world. Personally, I think the dialog works to suit Will’s naiveté because he is still, in fact, very much a child. His difficulties with swallowing the travesties of war have led me to question my own moral misgivings on the subject. I'll save that for another post, that is, if Chris ever lets me write again.
With Days of Ruin being the fourth game in the Advance Wars franchise, I wonder if they'll release more titles. I don't have such a big problem with franchises, if they put out a good product and don't rehash the same game with new, fancy packaging as a mere distraction. I'll keep my fingers crossed and get cracking on playing the first three games in the meantime.
Score: 4.5/5 Buy it! Hell, any game that makes use of the word “modicum” should automatically be inducted into some list that exists somewhere comprised of worthwhile games to play. That fact alone is solid enough for this game to stand on its own wordsmith-y legs.
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posted by Mack on January 16, 2008 9:17 AM in Video Game Review
Here ye, here ye, The Weekly Geek Court is in session for a gimmicky video game review from a lazy editor. The Right Honorable Judge Mack presiding over the case The Weekly Geek vs. Harvey Birdman: Attorney at law. The charges include game hackery, over-simplicity, and lack of gameplay. Both sides will present their evidence after a brief recess.
continue reading "Review: Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law (PS2)"
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posted by Mack on December 20, 2007 10:10 AM in Video Game Review
There's a lot to like about GripShift. Its quirky design aesthetic, the bizarre level design, and the high flying stunt driving. Unfortunately the fun gets bogged down by repetition and a generic racing mode. Originally released for the PSP in 2005, GripShift has made the transition to Live Arcade with a few additions as well as a few things left out. The original game had, according to the website, over 100 levels as well as online multi-player and a level builder. The live version features hi-def graphics as well as some new even more impossible levels and a brand new deathmatch mode. Unfortunately the developers chose to discard the level editor, which would have been a welcome bit of variety.
The Single-Player portion of the game is broken up into Race Mode and Challenge Mode. Challenge Mode is the real meat of the single player campaign and could best be described as a platformer with cars. The missions take the form of increasingly complex obstacle courses that range from incredibly simple to physically impossible. This mode is fun for a while, and every map has three different objectives to accomplish. These objectives are completing the track with a fast finishing time, collecting every star on the map, and finding the hidden GripShift icon. These objectives never change from the first map to the last. It's impossible to accomplish every single objective in one run which means that in order to complete everything you'll have to run the mission several times. At the beginning this isn't really as issue because the maps take about 30 seconds to run. However the later missions can take several minutes to complete which means that it can take up a huge amount of time.
The race mode, in both single and multiplayer, is a rather generic kart racer. Basically the game cribs from Mario Kart in every respect. All the fun off-roading that made the Challenge Mode so much fun is explicitly discouraged. Instead of soaring over the heads of your opponents you'll mostly be trying to blow them up with rockets. Whereas the Challenge portion has a huge variety of quirky maps, the Race portion has only a few rather generic maps. As is often the problem with some Live Arcade titles, whenever I tried to find an online match nobody else seemed to be on. Consequently I wasn't able to try the deathmatch mode, but I've played the rumble mode in Mario Kart, so I'm probably not missing much.
Final Score: 2.5/5 Ultimately the little flaws keep piling up until they overwhelm and strangle the fun out of the game. If you've got too much money and absolutely need to play a new game right now, there are worse ways to spend your money. But you should probably save your points and buy some Rock Band DLC.
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posted by Chris on December 13, 2007 8:27 AM in Video Game Review
Back in my day, our video game console playing machines only had 8 bits! If we were lucky! We had to walk up a hill both ways through the snow just to get to a store that even sells video games! Most stores just sold chalk, and that's how we liked it! Kids these days, they just don't know what true video gaming is all about! Why, back in my day when we played Contra, we got our asses handed to us and we liked it. Hey! You over there! Pay attention! Get off my lawn! Etc! So forth! Old people words! Contra 4 for the DS reminds me of the glory days, back when games taught you a lesson! None of this Super Mario doodad shootin' Wii remote shakin' bull honky. That's right, I said bull honky! No, video games need to be hard core! Video games need to hate you with every fiber of their being! Even if they don't require quarters to operate anymore, they need to act like they are sucking you dry of every last cent you own! Contra 4 is just as punishing as I remember the series ever being, with a ton of additions that make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Ahh, nostalgia. Those were the days...
It's Contra's 20th anniversary, can you believe it? After a long string of horrible sequels, Konami along with WayForward technologies decided to un-crap the crapfest that had ensued over the past two decades with a return to the classic. Contra 4 is nostalgia pandering at it's best. Imagine the SNES heyday, when every game seemed the most polished piece of artistic perfection you had ever seen. The games themselves compelled you to complete them, just to experience the whole thing. Landscapes are pixellated masterpieces, animations are crisp and smooth, and the music is driving and cheesy, just like you remember it. Contra 4 wants to be the definitive version in the series, and arguably it is. Few things have changed about the controls: they are just as tight as the original, with the addition of a grappling hook to reach the top DS screen. The grappling hook feels like it's always been in the series, which is a great credit to the developers. They did a fantastic job.
The 20th anniversary brings us not only an excellent game in its own right, but unlockable versions of the NES original, along with the sequel Super C. The unlockables just keep coming in the form of playable characters, art galleries and even an interview with the creator.
It's interesting to me to play this game right after completing Super Mario Galaxy. Both are incredibly nostalgic feeling to me. Both tackle this nostalgia in different ways. While Super Mario Galaxy holds your hand on a guided tour of a familiar setting, Contra sticks to the formula. One hit kills you, and you only have a couple lives. Run out of lives and you only have a couple continues to progress with. Lose all your continues and start over. It's true that video games are too easy these days, and Contra proves it. It's on par with the difficulty level of the NES original, which is to say it is an incredible challenge. Sure, you may play a game from this generation and call it a challenge, but you are pretty much assured to complete the game. Even on easy mode Contra 4 is difficult. That's not to say it isn't any fun, it's the kind of difficulty that compels you to try harder. Just like the original, you can even bring a friend to join in your suffering (though your friend needs a copy of Contra as well).
The art is fantastic, the music is nostalgic, and the new boss battles are inventive and exciting. The massive amount of unlockables and extra games brings replay value to a new high, and for my money you can't get any more fun than getting horribly mangled in Contra.
And yes, you can use the code.
Score: 5/5 The best Contra yet, and a jewel in the DS crown.
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posted by Chris on December 4, 2007 8:08 PM in Video Game Review
Nintendo had a lot riding on Super Mario Galaxy. Super Smash Bros Brawl had been pushed back to 2008, and the Wii really didn't seem to have any other strong titles coming out this season (maybe because it doesn't.) Nintendo as a rule puts a ton of effort into their first party properties, and after the critically and commercially unsuccessful Super Mario Sunshine (for the record, a game I greatly enjoy) and myriad watered-down sports titles featuring the mustachioed mascot Super Mario Galaxy had to be a success. Now, if you define success by fantastic game play, inventive and imaginative levels, beautiful music and a refreshing joyful experience, then Super Mario Galaxy is definitely successful.
There are some flaws, sure. The Wii motion controls are as tacked-on as any Wii game; never really adding to the immersion and always feeling like a hindrance. Whoever thought it was a good idea to remove the precision of pressing a button to attack and replacing it with sporadically-working waggle controls should be seriously talked to. I found in a few areas the challenge in Super Mario Galaxy lies in actually getting Mario to do what you want him to do. You'll accidentally get knocked off platforms or jump when you didn't want to so much you'll want to pull your hair out. Luckily, the second player can actually make you do a short hop if they click on you, so there's that added area of frustration if you have friends who are also jerks (I am looking at you, Qais.) The star bits feel a bit like a half-baked idea, an afterthought that was added to allow the second player to feel useful. And that's alright. The second player controls make it so that someone who would otherwise just be sitting and watching can actually do stuff. Any time co-op is added to a game I am a fan.
The voice acting is strange and often ridiculous. Nintendo has always had an aversion to voice acting, but the half-assed voice acting in Super Mario Galaxy makes the game feel slightly dated. Good thing there's very little plot, I guess? It's not a big concern. No one plays Mario games for the storyline.
What Super Mario Galaxy does right is bring back the joyful feeling of playing video games for me. I remember playing Super Mario Bros. 3 for the very first time on Christmas morning the year it came out. I spent the next three days playing through it non-stop. Absorbing the world, the characters, the music. Through the majority of Super Mario Galaxy I was grinning ear-to-ear. Mario in a bee suit? Yes, please. Is he adorable? Only the most adorable Mario ever. The level design feels brand-new, yet it evokes previous Mario games perfectly.
I won't go over the plot with you. I won't give you a run down of how many worlds there are, or how many stars you have to collect in order to defeat Bowser. These are things that are best left to you to discover. Just know that the game is completely worth it, and that discovery is part of the joyful experience the game provides. Compared to Super Mario 64, it's a bit linear in places. There aren't really any big hub-worlds for you to roam around and get stars at your own pace. You can choose which levels you want to visit with the different observatories, and there's a ton of replay value in going through and collecting all the stars, getting a high score for coins or star bits, or just sort of messing about in the fantastic worlds Nintendo has created for you. It's the same Mario you've come to know and love, and the same Mario formula Nintendo is going to feed to you for decades to come. Princess gets kidnapped by Bowser, Mario has to fight Bowser. Bosses take three hits to defeat. Rinse and repeat. Is it fresh and new? Not that aspect, no. But what Super Mario Galaxy does right refreshes the tired formula enough to make it feel comfortable, not uncreative.
Is it a system-seller? The Wii pretty much sells itself, but adding Super Mario Galaxy to the mix makes it a little bit more worthwhile. Unfortunately I see Nintendo repeating history here: a set of absolutely fantastic first party titles released at about 3 to 6 month intervals throughout the life cycle of their current system. As long as said titles are of Super Mario Galaxy caliber, I think I am ok with that.
Score: 4/5. An instant classic Wii title, vital to any collection.
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posted by Chris on November 26, 2007 6:16 PM in Podcast
Full of turkey? Enjoy blogs that don't stop talking about Thanksgiving? Well then we have the podcast for you! Grant, Chris and Colette are sated from their massive feast and roll off of their collective slimy couches to burp their opinions into microphones to bring you this week's podcast. Discussed are subjects such as TV shows sucking, Rock Band being awesome, Assassin's Creed not being so awesome, Rock Band remaining completely awesome, horrible X-Mas cartoons, and the upcoming Live update. Are you ready? For the Rocking?! Download the podcast here or subscribe to the feed. Show notes after the jump.
continue reading "Podcast for 11-26-07 | Happy Rockbandsgiving"
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posted by Mack on November 26, 2007 6:51 AM in Video Game Review
Who among us hasn't wanted to slip silently across the rooftops over the heads of patrolling guards, slipping a dagger between the ribs of an unsuspecting stranger before disappearing into the crowd. Reasonable, well-adjusted people probably. But since none of them read this website, they won't be a problem. For the rest of us, Assassin's Creed is a game that fulfills all our childhood fantasies of anonymous surreptitious murder.
Lots of talking and not nearly enough stabbing after the jump.
continue reading "Review: Assassin's Creed (Xbox 360)"
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posted by Chris on November 20, 2007 10:32 AM in Games
Here at The Weekly Geek we are of the general notion that game reviews stink. The number system assigned to most reviews on game sites is abstract at best, and doesn't give you a sense of whether or not you personally should pick up the game. It's arbitrary and inane, but unfortunately a lot of review aggregators require it. In the past, we've split our reviews into parts: Funness, Shininess and Worthiness. This system is currently being phased out for a new number based system because we are awful conformists and can't resist following other sites like lemmings. We will still give you the comprehensive (read: opinionated) coverage you've come to know and love, but with added numbers. We all love numbers! Here is the scheme for your reference:
- 0 - The worst possible of all possible games. This game killed your father and raped your mother.
- 1 - Really still awful. This is the sort of game that if played for an extended period causes your head to cave in.
- 2 - Not a good game. Flawed but has some redeeming qualities that might make it worth your while or a rent if everything better is already checked out.
- 3 - Average game. Probably worth a rent and a laugh, but you wouldn't go out and buy it.
- 4 - Good game. A must rent, and buying it wouldn't be a waste of money.
- 5 - Masterpiece. You must own this game! Why would you still be reading a review about it when you could be playing it right now! Go!
We've updated the majority of our older reviews to reflect this new system. Look for the score at the bottom of the post, it will look a bit like this: Score: 5/5 Buy it!
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posted by Chris on September 23, 2007 4:51 PM in Video Game Review
Fatal Fury is a classic Neo Geo title - one of those crazy arcade games you could take home with you. I remember seeing stuff about Neo Geo as a kid and thinking it was the best thing in the known universe - being able to play a game at the arcade and then having the same experience at home! Without sticky floors or greasy joysticks! Though, being a poor kid I missed out on this obviously mind-blowing experience. I also didn't go to the arcade too often. Fighting games have never really been my thing, and while I casually enjoyed Street Fighter II and Mortal Kombat, my expertise never really escaped the realm of button mashing. Fatal Fury almost completely relies on memorization of special move sequences which is the kind of thing that made me want to put my fist through a wall as a kid. There was always that one punk who committed every single special move to memory and would just wipe the floor with you. Now with Fatal Fury Special, you can meet every single one of those jerk kids online and either experience heart-wrenching defeat or join the collective. Isn't Xbox Live grand?
Hit the jump for the full review.
continue reading "Review: Fatal Fury Special (XBLA)"
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posted by Chris on July 24, 2007 5:12 PM in Video Game Review
Missile command is one of those games you play when you don't have anything else. It's not really a game you hear people raving about. No one is going out and getting retro Missile Command tattoos. It's more of one of those games that comes for free on your computer and you're too poor to buy anything cooler. Though, if you are one of those crazed Missile Command fans, the Xbox Live Arcade version is definitely the one for you. It features pretty menus, photo-realistic landscapes, and a neatly designed interface to update the old classic. It even has driving techno music to keep your blood pumping! Or to annoy you. It's pretty repetitive.
The game features two different versions: the classic arcade version and the "retro evolved" version. Each version has two gameplay modes, a normal and a "throttle monkey" mode, which I imagine is some sort of slang for "whoa this is too fast how can non-augmented humans play this". Personally I find it all boring.
The trouble with reviewing retro games is that they aren't deep enough for an elaborate analysis, and everyone already knows the game anyway. It's Missile Command, but prettier and with achievements. It looks real nice in HD, but there are plenty other better Xbox 360 titles to impress your friends with. Grab it. Or don't.
Score: 3/5 Grab the demo
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posted by Chris on July 5, 2007 2:26 PM in Games
In what I hope is the start of a long line of excellent board games coming to the Xbox Live Arcade, the newest is Carcassonne, a tile-laying game out of Germany. It even won game of the year (or Speil Das Jahre, if you prefer) in 2001, which is a pretty big honor. Those Germans love their board games. And why shouldn't they? Board games are incredibly fun, but mainly because you are there in the same room with your friends, heckling one another and munching on cheetos. Surprisingly, the XBLA is pretty good at replicating the board game experience, mainly because of the super slick interface, easy to use friend system and persistent chat. Carcassonne also features Vision camera support, if you are into that kind of thing. The concept of the game is that you are building up the famous walled city of Carcassonne (located in France) piece by piece. Each person starts their turn by placing a new tile that either has a road, piece of a city, cloister, or a combination of them all. The strategy lies in where you put your little "follower" tokens, which help you claim points. The game goes until all the tiles are laid, and whoever has the most points in the end wins. It's fairly simple to learn, difficult to master. Like any great board game.
Shininess: The original is beautifully hand drawn, and the XBLA version definitely does it justice. There are subtle effects that really make the game shine, like when you place a follower he lands in a different position every time, as if you had just plopped him on there in real life. When you finish a walled city or score a road, it pops into place in 3d and plays a little victory sound. It's those little touches that I appreciate so much in a game, and they are plentiful in Carcassonne. The music is pretty but repetitive, and like many puzzle/board/card games on XBLA, it's best if you turn it off or play your own soundtrack. Not really a big issue for me, doubt it would be for you either.
Funness: Carcassonne is an instant classic, we here at The Weekly Geek play the board game version almost every weekend. You can pick up and play a quick game, or you can add more people and hone your strategies. The thing that makes the XBLA version stand out is definitely the pace. You don't have to add up your score on your fingers and toes anymore, it does it all for you automatically. It also shows you exactly where you can place a tile, so no more getting confused and not noticing that you accidentally blocked off a road three turns ago. The achievements provided are standard, and don't really take very long to obtain, except for the ranked match score ones, which require you to play tons of games on Live. Carcassonne tends to attract the same players Catan did, however, who tend to be a bit more civil and less profane online. A welcome treat!
Worthiness: If you are a fan of board games (and who isn't?) you really need to try Carcassonne. Either the analog or the digital version (or both!). The XBLA version even comes with the river expansion for added funtimes. The replay value is high, being that this will be a game that you can come back to over and over again. You never play the same game twice, and honing strategies over time is half the fun. Let's hope that Microsoft keeps bringing excellent titles like Carcassonne to the Live Arcade. In my opinion, the Live Arcade is the only thing saving the gaming industry creatively right now.
Score: 5/5 Get it now!
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posted by Chris on March 26, 2007 3:48 PM in Video Game Review
Originally released in 1997 on the original Playstation, Castlevania Symphony of the Night is widely regarded as a classic. Merging the platforming and storyline of Castlevania with the non-linear goodness of the Metroid series, SotN set the standard for all Castlevania titles to come. Recently released for the Xbox 360 with HD graphics, achievements and leaderboards, is it worth your money a second time around? Hit the jump for the full review.
continue reading "Review: Castlevania Symphony of the Night (XBLA)"
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posted by Chris on March 25, 2007 12:25 PM in Video Game Review
Admittedly, I am not a big sports game fan. While I love a good round of Wii Tennis, or some Mario Golf, I am not the dude who waits in line for the next Madden title every single year. The mark of a great sports game for me is one that actually makes me want to play it. Prostroke Golf for the PSP features a fairly realistic golf experience, complete with a course editor and live commentary. It's from a small developer, which shows in its graphical capabilities, long load times and lack of polish, but I believe that it can offer true golf fans something new on the go. As long as you actually own a PSP.
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posted by Chris on March 16, 2007 2:02 PM in Video Game Review
Overview:Xbox Live Arcade has really been coming into its own in the past month or so, with great releases such as Alien Hominid HD, TMNT and Worms. If you are unfamiliar or otherwise uninitiated, Worms is a turn-based strategy combat game in the same vein as Scorched Earth. Players take control of a team of Worms each with a certain number of hit points on a 2d landscape. Then you take turns whittling away your opponent's hit points with an array of wacky weapons that each serve a different purpose. You can shoot worms in the face with a shotgun, or you can fire punch them into the abyss. The possibilities are endless, and the Xbox Live version is a fun distraction.
Shininess: As far as shiny goes, Worms for XBLA is just like any other Worms game. Nothing too amazing, the graphics amount to not much more than a Flash game, but the animations tend to be funny and charming. The music is non-existant (just a loop of some dramatic sounding stuff.) so prep your music library.
Funness: Worms is by far one of the most fun strategy games out there. Unfortunately, the pace feels incredibly slow at times, while you wait for the other players to take their turn. It's even worse in the short single player mode, where you aren't even waiting for an actual human, it's just a computer who feels like wasting your time while he thinks. Each worm in the single player challenges tends to take 10-20 seconds to even think about their next turn, which is pretty mind-numbing. It's actually tolerable in multiplayer, because watching other people play is all part of building future strategies.
The single player game features 20 challenges of varying difficulty. It didn't take long to get through and helped me hone some of my strategies, but for the most part I could have done without them, or with different modes. The multiplayer is where it's at, it's the whole reason you get the game. It's insane amounts of fun to play with others, seeing them mess up a perfect ninja rope swing, or accidentally blow themselves up with a sheep. The Live worms community seems to be a bit more cordial than most, as well. Full English sentences abound! Just watch out for the ranked matches, as players can tend to get a bit more hardcore. I even played with someone who seemed like they thought they were playing a Halo match. Not fun.
Worthiness: The features and weapons array is a bit lacking compared to PC and previous console versions of Worms, but for 800 points I think it's worth it. Worms is also the first Live Arcade game I have completed all the achievements for, as they tended to be fairly easy to get. If you don't have any Xbox Live friends (sad!) or you don't have any real-life friends (even sadder!) then don't download this. As a matter of fact, if you meet both those criteria, don't download anything. Just throw your Xbox through the nearest window. If you DO have friends, check out the demo and see if the pace is for you. Like I said, it's slower than most games this generation, but once you get into it there's really nothing better than a game of Worms.
Score: 5/5 Buy it!
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posted by Chris on February 28, 2007 11:32 AM in Video Game Review
Overview: Accused of being a tag-along for the Halo 3 beta, Crackdown is at first glance a Grand Theft Auto clone. It has strikingly similar gameplay (open-ended sandbox-style) and even gets as close as a lack of a soundtrack except when in a vehicle. Reviewers all over the interwebs are saying it stands on its own, and DESTRUCTOID's own Rob Summa can't stop gushing about it. Personally I was never a fan of the GTA series. I appreciated the concept and respected it for that it brought to the genre, but it just bored me. I love a good story, and I love deep immersive gameplay. Crackdown seems like a game I would pick up, play for 15 minutes, and fall asleep bored. This actually ends up not being the case. I just can't put it down.
The storyline is simple: there really is none. You are a super agent sent on a mission to get rid of the three different gangs in Pacific City. After that, there is little in the way of fleshing out what you would call a plot or a narrative. Is this a good or a bad thing? How's the replay value? Multiplayer? Hit the jump for a full review.
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posted by Grant on December 14, 2006 12:15 PM in Video Game Review
Overview:
Well, this one is gonna be pretty short and sweet, folks. I had the opportunity to check out a couple of games from Crave Entertainment for the GBA. Camp Lazlo Leaky Lake Games and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.
Now we all know that little games licensed from popular tv shows or movies are, statistically speaking, 99% crap. As a fan of cartoons, particularly Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, I was hoping at least one of these might defy the odds.
Did my wish come true? Click the jump to find out, gentle reader!
continue reading "Double Game Review: Cartoon Network GBA Games"
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posted by Chris on July 28, 2006 12:10 PM in Video Game Review
Harvest Moon for the Super Nintendo was a charming, insanely fun cult farming game which consumed approximately 2 full years of my life. Even with its strange play controls, Engrish speaking townsfolk and repetitive chore-based gameplay, it was one of the most treasured games in my collection. Ever since then I have been a fan of this quirky series, which as of late has been lackluster. Conversion to 3rd person 3D perspectives on the Playstation and Gamecube consoles have been shaky at best, and seemed to really lack the personality that made the original so special. Harvest Moon Friends of Mineral Town (and the female version, More Friends of Mineral Town) was, in my opinion, the definitive game in the Harvest Moon franchise. It was expansive, held true to the original, and had huge amounts of replay value. Harvest Moon Magical Melody, a Gamecube exclusive, may just wrestle the title of best Harvest Moon game ever away from its GBA counterpart.
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posted by Chris on March 30, 2006 9:02 AM in Video Game Review
Burnout Revenge for the 360 has been out for some time now and I haven't been able to stop playing. The Burnout series has always been a favorite of mine and many others, but now we get the lovely crashing scenes in HD making this game incredible! The review is after the jump!
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posted by Chris on February 4, 2006 3:32 PM in Video Game Review
Overview:
Electroplankton is weird. Electroplankton is not a game. Electroplankton is not a music maker. Do not taunt Electroplankton. Electroplankton will never sell well in the US. If Electroplankton is anything, it is a work of art.
Many games can fall into the "video games as art" classification. Resident Evil 4 was beautifully rendered and thoughtfully put together, you could call it art. Katamari Damacy was stylish and innovative; also art. Electroplankton is what we call in the world of pretentious art jerks: "art for art's sake". As opposed to the other "arty" games mentioned, there is no plot, no end goal. You don't beat a giant plankton and the credits roll. Electroplankton is the end result of an artist's vision (in this case, Japanese artist Toshio Iwai) and it is nothing less than trancendental. You can control 10 different types of creatures, each one with its own ability. The "Tracey" follows a trail you draw for it, the "Rec Rec" records your voice. Each creature generates sound and beats and color and light which is hypnotic, fluid, and ultimately very entertaining. But it will never sell in the US.
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posted by Chris on January 24, 2006 11:28 AM in Video Game Review
Well, after a little over a month of playing different 360 games, I sat down and played one continuously. I decided Condemned seemed worth the effort due to it's creepy factor. Condemned starts off just like an episode of CSI. You're an FBI Agent sent in to investigate a murder which seems to be the same M.O. as a Serial Killer known as the Match Maker. Neat right? Well, kinda of. You do some investigative work, looking for evidence, which really isn't that hard. The game tells you when evidence near by which relates to a "special ability" your character has. From there, you press the X button and the correct forensic tool is in your hand and ready to go. This makes the game a little bit on the easy side, but some other parts make up for it. The overall story is you get framed for killing two cops at the scene of the other murder and you're tracking down the one responsible while defending yourself from drugged up junkies.
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posted by Chris on January 22, 2006 12:03 PM in Video Game Review
Overview:
The Civilization series of games is one with a long history (Hah! Get it? History. Because the game is about... yeah) and it has seemed to reach its peak with the newest installment: Civilization IV. Recently released for the PC, Civilization is a strategy game series not unlike the board game Risk, except for the fact that it is on a computer and animated and not made of cardboard and plastic. Well, technically it is made of plastic, but I digress. The fun thing about Civilization is that there really is no point or goal besides what you set for the game. It is a "god" game, where you are in control of your little minions and civilizations and you make them do your bidding. The premise is this: choose from a variety of famous world leaders such as Abraham Lincoln, Napoleon or Kublai Khan, build cities and research technologies, go to war and eventually either make peace with the other civilizations in the world or crush them. It's up to you, which is the appeal of the series obviously.
continue reading "Review - Sid Meier's Civilization IV for the PC"
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posted by Chris on January 21, 2006 11:49 PM in Video Game Review
Overview: Call of Duty 2 is the successor to the original title from a couple years back. The original game definitely left a strong impression with me and I was looking forward to the sequel when I heard it was announced. Both the original and the new version have been released for every current, non-handheld gaming type system. I played the original on the PC, but this time around, I have the Xbox version.
The game takes you back into the gritty World War II setting. You and your team have to proceed through a varity of missions though various locations throughout the war. It's your job to stay alive throughout and accomplish your goals. It's pretty standard fare for an FPS, and Big Red One does it well.
There are, however, a couple of aspects that make me wish I was playing it on the PC again instead of on my TV in my living room.
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posted by Chris on November 13, 2005 10:13 AM in Video Game Review
Overview: Mario Kart is a very well-loved series. Chances are, you have played one of the many iterations, either on Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, Gameboy Advance or Gamecube. It is most likely that I do not have to explain to you that it is a racing game featuring Mario and friends, where there are items to chuck at each other. This is all irrelevant information to you. Mario Kart DS does not break any molds, such as with Mario Kart: Double Dash for the Gamecube, where you had two racers in one kart. No, this game is pure Mario Kart. If you were to ask Nintendo to make ONE Mario Kart game that you could take with you on a deserted island that just happened to have a wifi connection, this would be the one. Featuring over 32 tracks, including original creations and retro revivals, this is the comprehensive Mario Kart title. Single-cart multiplayer for up to 8 racers, 4 different modes, 2 different circuits, and online play make this a huge game, both in scope and size.
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posted by Grant on October 31, 2005 7:12 PM in Video Game Review
Review: Shadow of the Colossus for PlayStation 2 by Sony Computer Entertainment
Overview: From the team that brought you the incredibly inspired Ico, comes a game that presents a unique experience. The basis of the game is pretty simple: your girl is dead and a mystical voice from the sky says you can bring her back to life by killing some giants. The problem is: all you’ve got is a horse, a sword, and a bow and arrow set. It’s gonna be tricky.
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posted by Chris on August 13, 2005 6:42 PM in Video Game Review
System: GCN/XBX/PS2/PStwo/NDS/GBASP/IPOD
Title: Decal Girl Console Skins
Publisher: Decalgirl.com
Writer: Frodo
Overview: So you’re a console gamer, and you see all your PC gamer friends with their fancy case mods and you want to join the party. Spray painting your Gamecube doesn’t seem like a very smart idea, and there’s really no way to put a window in it, so what do you do? Bumper stickers? Decal Girl has high quality vinyl decals for your systems, including gamecube, xbox, ps2, slim ps2, gba sp, Nintendo ds, and even iPod, iPod mini and the new iPod shuffle.
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posted by Chris on August 13, 2005 6:41 PM in Video Game Review
System: PS2
Title: Amplitude
Publisher: Sony
Writer: Frodo
Overview: Based on the hit ps2 rhythm game Frequency, Amplitude is more than a pure sequel. Amplitude features a very unique style of gameplay, as you fly through songs, playing different instruments depending on what buttons you press in time to the music. As a rhythm game it is very innovative, and just happens to be fun too. Featuring tons of songs from actual artists like David Bowie, Freezepop, Blink 182, Weezer and more, Amplitude is a fun and exciting game you might have missed the first time around.
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posted by Chris on August 13, 2005 6:38 PM in Video Game Review
System: PS2
Title: Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal
Publisher: Insomniac Games
Writer: Frodo
Overview: Released last November, the third game in the Ratchet and Clank series features the Lombax Ratchet and the robot Clank facing off against Dr. Nefarious and the evil Tyhrranoids. It has taken me this long to write a review because I can’t stop playing this game. Ratchet and Clank is a series that focuses on combat platforming. Sound strange? It’s actually an interesting hybrid of the classic Rare Banjo and Kazooie style platformer with a more gun focused FPS. Think Jet Force Gemini, or a good version of Starfox Assault’s foot missions. There is a single player mode familiar to fans of the previous games, and an all new multiplayer mode that can be played online with up to players.
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posted by Chris on August 13, 2005 5:46 PM in Video Game Review
Review: Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory by Ubisoft for Xbox.
Reviewed by: The Geek
Overview: Even if you haven't played the Splinter Cell series before (like me) chances are you still probably know about it. You are Sam Fisher, a super-sneaky spy who sneaks around doing secret spy stuff. Terrorists are using advanced computer equipment and programs to wage a war by crashing the stock market and stealing missle launch codes. As a Splinter Cell, you prefer the old fashioned way: shoot 'em, knife 'em, or snap their necks. It's a pretty basic concept but a very complicated game. An extremely high level of detail and realism really creates a deeply immersive game.
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