We're a geek culture podcast and blog covering video games, music, food and more. We are the kinds of people who evangelize whatever we are into - it could be anything - but it's usually pretty geeky.
posted by SecksCab on July 30, 2008 8:10 AM in Music
Not many of us here at the Weekly Geek pay attention to the Olympics... that period of time every four years where we elect a Bush or a Clinton to office. Generally, the Olympics are a tedious bore, and we look forward to getting some good reading time in while the television is inundated with boring sports that were invented to kill people thousands of years ago. The shot put and the caber toss, sports that started out as training exercises for very large and cumbersome assassins during the First Crusade, particularly bore us.
Still, the minds behind Gorillaz (Jamie Hewlett and Damon Albarn), that wonderfully artificial band, has given us something, well, truly special. Their first video not starring themselves, basically just an advert for BBC Sport's coverage of the dismal boredom that is the Olympics. They have given us a brief, one minute run down of the ancient Chinese text, A Journey to the West, also known as MONKEY QUEST, also known as Dragon Ball Z.
Enjoy, and know that this is all the pleasure you'll get for the next month.
I recently made a trip to my childhood home to clean out the attic and stumbled upon my old Nintendo Power collection. While taking a trip down nostalgia lane I thought "the art from these would make awesome pins! CUT EM UP!" After taking scissors to my precious collection and assembling messages ransom note style all over the original art, I have created these Nintendo Power Remixed pinback buttons (or pins, or buttons, or whatever you want to call them). Each is a unique piece of art and most have sayings on them. You like slogans, don't you? Characters such as Nester, the Mario Brothers, Toad, Kirby, Princess Peach, Samus Aran, Mega Man and even some Star Wars dudes are thrown in there.
They are for sale now over at Etsy for $10 plus free shipping! They are sold in packs of 4 and are selected at random (blind box style!) so you never know what awesome pin you're gonna get (trust me, they are all pretty much awesome). I may even throw in a few bonuses. Be the coolest kid on the bus with these Nintendo Power Remixed pins.
After years of strong production from funky, white-boy word twister Beck, The Information given to us in 2006 felt like maybe he was losing a bit of steam. An effort pushed along at times by Nigel Godrich's production, it was lacking in that constant rhythmic propulsion usually found in Beck's work.
And now, for the second release in a row, Modern Guilt feels more like a vehicle for its producer, Danger Mouse, than it does for Mr. Hansen.
posted by Chris on July 28, 2008 10:00 AM in Comics
rstevens is awesome. There's a really insightful interview up on Wired with the webcomic mastermind, discussing why he quit his syndicated newspaper gig and focused solely on the Internet.
For me, I like to talk to people, I like to mail things out, it's better for me to farm, like an intelligent, organic farmer, a smaller audience of acquaintances and fans than it is for me to go mass-market with a lot of people who really wish I wasn't there.
It's a great read for anyone who is still stuck in the "omg I must be published on paper to have any real cred as a cartoonist" mode.
Oh! Also we have an old interview with rstevens if you'd like to download it here.
Yes, apparently Christopher Nolan had a very different ending to The Dark Knight, one that DC nixed after dailies came in as "implausible". Not only did Batman let Joker go free, but... well...
Guided By Voices was a band surrounded by some nontarnishable legend of repute. No matter how many times I heard the name, even along side bands I admired, I ignored them. The years passed, and now they're gone, and I'm just getting into them.
Known for their insanely rigorous live act, Guided By Voices had a swagger that was unnatural for the Indie bands of the time. The studio albums in the latter part of their career were more or less attempted documentations of the group's live sound - their second to last record, Earthquake Glue, being no exception.
Lead-off track "My Kind of Soldier" shows clips of the band playing with their famed drunken front man Robert Pollard serving as curator to both the crunching guitars of his cohorts and the story of "Beatle Bob." All the while, Pollard's melodies are as effortless as the wind that will carry his music on to generations of listeners to come.
Bitmaster hyper-god Tettix (formerly Cicada, AKA Judson Cowan) is currently rockin' my iPhone, it's the perfect music for sitting on the bus and staring out into space. You may be familiar with this chiptune artist already, as his track "Earth's Assault on the Central AI" is currently being used as the Weekly Geek Theme song. I've found in my nerdy search of nostalgic beats that the quality of chiptune artists varies as much as the quality of old school NES games, they are all fun in their own right, but only a few are true classics. Tettix has skills. Mad skills.
He's even created tracks for Nike, Diesel and Cartoon Network. But with his albums Technology Crisis I and II he has painted a landscape for a non-existent game from the 80's. His albums take on their own narrative depending on your interpretation, much like an artist like Sigur Ros, Mogwai or Explosions in the Sky. He perfectly encapsulates what made NES music classic: catchy melodies, cohesive flow and a striking sense of mood. The best part? He has offered all his tracks online, gratis. There's even a sweet album of Metroid covers.
I'd love to commission him to do a real theme song some day. And hey! Check this out, he's also a great graphic designer. High fives all around.
I suck at Geometry Wars and every time I play, I get crushed by the sheer weight of defeat. My high score is probably in the range of 30,000-40,000. Pitiful, I know! My dear friend, Capn Rocket, on the other hand, was at one time "best in the world" on the original PGR2 version of Geometry Wars and puts me (not a very difficult thing to do) and most others to shame. Fortunately, I was able to tap into the psyche of an accomplished Geometry Wars pro to bring you some tips. Here they are, straight from the horse's mouth:
In light of the upcoming release of Geometry Wars 2, I thought I'd throw out some GW:RE tips for those needing to brush up their skills on the 360's original killer app.
1. Unlike the original, GW:RE is a multiplier game. Once you get to about 5x or so, use your bombs to keep that party rolling.
2. Try to make every shot count. The rapid fire is obviously the best weapon. Although the spreadshot helps against black holes, it will usually put you on the defensive. Bomb when the boot-to-ass ratio slips into the negative.
3. Use your ears. Once you've learned what sound each enemy makes when it spawns, spin up a playlist well-suited for rampant destruction.
4. Make the bastards chase you. Running laps is still the accepted method for staying alive.
5. Beware the loner. It's always the stray oddball that gets you.
6. Play until you need to buy another controller. Consider tracking down some Gel Tabz thumbstick covers.
Enemies Guide
Green diamonds: line these passive-aggressive hippies up against the wall and mow them down.
Pink squares: You can't outrun the pigs, but you can out-corner them. When surrounded, you can finesse an escape if you don't shoot toward your exit.
Black holes: Neither black nor holey, you can activate them to buy some time. For maximum points, destroy them after they're about to go supernova. If you can't, better get good at picking off Blue Cheerios of Death as you run like a little girl.
Red magnets: You can 1) kill them immediately 2) Hope your rapid fire overwhelms their shield or 3) sidestep them at the last second. Ole!
Snakes: Shoot at their heads until a path is clear. Remain still if surrounded. Like the magnets, they are highly succeptible to black holes. Curse Cakebread and his minions for inventing these.
Mayflies: Think of them as multiplier fodder. This will keep you from filling your pants as you try to punch a hole through the line. Try bombing partway through the spawn to reduce their numbers. You can also try flying to the opposite corner to buy time.
Final tip: You can check your multiplier by dividing the point value of a green diamond by 100.
Good luck, Chuck! You're gonna need it.
There it is folks! El Capitan has spoken. You can also check out a video of his amazing accomplishments after the jump.
Jinny and I are always jotting down ideas in a shared Google Document for a possible fancy dinner party menu. We love cooking for people, as it seems that not many people in our generation really cook for themselves anymore. We've been experimenting with a ton of different styles of food, Jinny brings mass amounts of Korean cooking knowledge to the table, while I lean more French/Italian. We'll post some of these recipes here in case you Geekateers would enjoy following along on our quest for culinary perfection.
We love making hamburgers. It's easy, quick, and infinitely variable. Hamburgers are one of those foods that anyone can appreciate (unless you're a vegetarian, in which case - get out of my kitchen) and can be instantly bumped up to gourmet status with special ingredients, and a little bit of technique. It's so simple to make your own hamburger patties, and the ones you mix at home have way more flavor and texture than those crappy frozen pre-made ones you can buy at the store. As with any dish, it's all about the quality of ingredients. If you can't find some of these ingredients, you could always make substitutions, but food is one of those things that Jinny and I never skimp on.
Here is a great Italian variation on the burger we came up with. Last time we served this to friends, tears welled up in their eyes as they uttered "This is the best burger I have ever eaten". I definitely agree. And if you're a bit squicked out by anchovies, don't worry. They only exist to accentuate the flavor, the burgers do not come out all fishy. This is an adapted recipe from the photograph there, we have since improved it. Cooking is all about evolution, like Pokémon!
Pesto Burgers
Feeds two humans
1lb ground beef (grind your own or get the least lean package at the store. The more fat the better!)
Potato Hamburger Buns
Pesto (for spreading. A jar would do. Or make your own!)
2 Anchovy fillets (packed in oil is best), minced
1 large shallot, minced
One nice heirloom or beefsteak tomato, sliced
Sriracha
Balsalmic Vinegar (any old kind will do. Don't use your best, though. Save that for salads.)
Soft cheese such as chevre (Ricotta would also work. Need a dry, salty cheese.)
2 slices panchetta (bacon makes a good substitute)
Kosher salt, pepper
1. Spread butter on the buns (tee hee) and toast until slightly brown. Let cool.
2. Finely chop the shallot and the anchovy and mix into the hamburger in a big bowl. Use your hands for this. Squishy fun ensues. Add about a tablespoon of kosher salt and a half a tablespoon of cracked black pepper. Add about 2 tablespoons of balsalmic vinegar and a hefty squirt of the sriracha. Don't have sriracha in the house? Well shame on you. You can substitute with a dash of cayenne pepper. Mix well. Squish squish.
3. Form two patties by creating a ball with half the mixture and pressing it between your hands. Try to keep the edges from falling apart and be gentle. Place on a plate and make a slight depression in the middle. Cover plated patties with saran wrap and put in the fridge to set.
4. Heat up your pan (preferably a cast iron skillet) and cook the panchetta or bacon until crispy. Do not drain, as bacon fat is what Jesus' tears are probably made of. Remove panchetta from pan and let drain on paper towels.
5. While the pan is still hot and the bacon fat is fluid (but not smoking), place your patties into the pan. Don't move them at all for the first minute, as this will impede the progress of the browning. Try to avoid the silly fast food thing where you press the meat with a spatula. You really don't want those juices to escape, and the depression you made earlier should keep the shape nice and neat. Flip once (and only once!) and cook for another minute on the other side. These are best at medium rare, but if you like charcoal burgers you could always cook them longer. Remove to a plate and let sit while you dress the buns.
6. Spread chevre on one side of the buns and pesto on the other. Place burger on the bottom bun and top with pancetta. Add a slice of tomato and serve alongside fries or tater tots. I prefer tots.
Are you the kind of person who emphatically evangelizes everything truly good that gets absorbed into your brain? Do you crave new experiences and suck the marrow out of life on a daily basis? Are you the kind of person who always has others coming up to you for advice on new gadget purchases, or what movie to go see on a Friday? Well maybe you'd like to share your sage knowledge with the readers and listeners of The Weekly Geek.
We're currently accepting submissions for additional writers. We're looking for people who are enthusiastic not only about video games, but the full gamut of geekery. We're looking for someone who yearns to get their voice heard, who is genuinely interested in blogging. More features writer than news republisher, more storyteller than dry press release rehasher. Writing at The Weekly Geek is an unpaid position but the experience you gain could be very valuable in the long run. There's the opportunity for free review copies of games, the chance to be read and edited by a group of your peers, and the satisfaction of being a part of a genuinely cool community of Geeks. Interested? Here are the requirements:
1. Submit a sample article to chris@weeklygeekshow.com with the subject line "Weekly Geek Writing Position". This article can be about whatever you want in the realm of geekiness. Be entertaining, be informative, be enthusiastic, be unique. It could be a list, it could be a comic strip. It could be a gangsta rap. It doesn't even have to be an article. It just has to show that you can provide awesome new content for the site.
2. Bonus points if you aren't already writing somewhere else.
3. Bonus points if you can draw or create your own header images for posts.
4. Bonus points if your topic of choice is a niche area of geekery (space program geek? Cell phone geek? Food geek? Zydeco music geek?)
I'll read all the submissions and choose new writers based on their writing ability, proposed schedule of posts and other unnamed arcane factors of my deciding. It's a great opportunity to get your name out there and be read by literally hundreds (!) of Weekly Geek fans. The rewards are well worth it.
posted by Chris on July 21, 2008 7:26 PM in Podcast
In the aftermath of E3 2008, Chris, Qais and Jinny discuss what ensued during the Nintendo and Sony conferences, and other great games announced at the now stripped down show. They raise questions such as: is Nintendo in the business of making money or making video games? And: what is the plural of "red headed stepchild"? Whether or not you want to have this information in your head is immaterial! It is here. Would you like to hear about our frothing demand for Mirror's Edge and EA's offerings? You can experience this.
Kind of a bit of self-promotion here, but in light of it being E3 week and one of Microsoft Game Studio's biggest holiday titles being shown, I thought it appropriate. For the past few months we've been working hard to launch a brand new Gears of War community site and I have to say this is one of the coolest things I've ever had the privilege to be involved with. I've been able to work with some fabulous designers and developers who listened to feedback, embraced creativity and were open to suggestion. This hardly ever happens when working on a large corporate website. We had our bumps and our struggles but ultimately I am very very pleased with the way the site came out. So, I have to say thanks. Thanks! I am super stoked to put this in my portfolio.
Check out the fruits of our labor over at the brand spanking new Gears of War 2 website. You can explore many new features of the game and check out screenshots, concept art and download a few cool wallpapers. Now back to your regularly scheduled geekery.
Just a little disclaimer, The Weekly Geek isn't affiliated with MS in any way, I just happen to work at Microsoft Game Studios currently.
Being able to read my RSS feed subscriptions on my phone is an amazingly geeky experience. It's one of the aspects of the iPhone that make you just sit back and revel in the glow of the future. But as much as I love Google's various services and Apple's glorious Jesus Phone, I can't help but feel frustrated with not being able to perform really basic tasks. Beyond not being able to copy and paste text, Google Reader acts a bit funky on this mobile device. While it's been fantastic to be able to read my RSS items during my commute (making me less enticed to get that unread count down while I'm at work) I'm a multitasker and the iPhone doesn't seem to like that.
For example, clicking a link in Google Reader on the iPhone opens said link in a new page, which you can scroll over to. Handy, right? Well what if the link is in the middle of an article you'd like to eventually go back to and finish reading? When you close the page you just opened and go back to Reader, sometimes it automatically refreshes the page, marking the item as read and making it disappear. This also seems to happen whenever I want to bump out to the home screen to turn on some music, or to answer a text message. Every time I go back to Reader there's a chance it will reload the page.
In addition, this morning I was having issues with Reader bumping me back to home while I'm in the middle of reading an article. I didn't even touch anything! Real frustrating. Good thing I'm Apple's bitch and will keep using the thing anyway. Curse you and your addictive devices, Jobs!
Anyone else having issues with Reader on the iPhone?
First off, to get it out of the way, I personally have no problem whatsoever with Mega Man 9. I watched the ad and was convinced it was just a really, really impressive fan project. When I saw it will be covered by whatever system you're on, then it suddenly kicked in, "Holy Fishsticks, this is happening".
Second, I actively look forward to the fan whining.
See, fan whining is probably one of the most amusing things on Youtube, forums and real life, to be honest. Fans like to whine. Listening to fans whine about their necromantically extended adolescence's tiny little bumps to the exclusion of EVERYTHING ELSE ON THE PLANET is seriously the most fun you can have. Anime nerds whining about Adult Swim nerds, Final Fantasy nerds whining about Xbox nerds, Watermelon Humping nerds whining about Carrot Dildo nerds. It's great stuff.
I, personally, look forward to the Mega Man nerds whining about this. I look forward to every single little jot and tittle of their wasted lives laid forth for me to psychoanalyze over and over again.
Thirdly, maybe there's still hope for Ducktales 3.
Here's a custom Munny I made to look like Mog from Final Fantasy 6. He is the best moogle. Made with Sculpey and acrylics. I'm trying to think of other cool video game related Munny customs to create, any suggestions?
posted by Chris on July 14, 2008 6:45 PM in Podcast
With all of our jaded jackassery, we at The Weekly Geek do actually acknowledge the positive things in the geek realm, and what better time to express the joys of gaming than E3? This week's episode has Chris, Jinny and Qais disseminating the massive amount of information released at the Microsoft pre-E3 conference, from Avatars to Netflix integration, Party Mode, dashboard updates and more. The Rock Band 2 set lists and drum kits have also been detailed, and Jinny and Chris talk about their current favorite iPhone apps and why you should download them now. But first, won't you download a podcast? I am sure you will enjoy it.
Yeah, I'm one of those early adopter assholes who stood in line to get an iPhone this weekend, but at least I waited until Saturday morning! That's eons in early-adopter land. The iPhone 3g was practically passé at that point. While I am not so keen on adding to the messy pile of iPhone articles the blog-o-net has turned into over the course of the weekend, I figured you guys might be interested in what applications I am running on the device, as the applications are really what make this smart phone shine. Most of these are free, too!
Twitteriffic: I'm a fan of Iconfactory's full-fledged version of Twitteriffic, and the mobile version is fairly similar. There's a free (ad-supported) and a paid (ad-free) version, the free version being the one I'm sporting. I like the interface but I really wish these things ran in the background. I'd love to get tweets growl-style while surfing Safari. Oh, and by the way my twitter name is "chrisfurniss". Obvious enough for you?
Save Benjis: Nifty little app for you to take along on shopping trips to do some price comparison. I imagine you could even use it to haggle with shopkeepers or do some price matching if you're clever. Enter the name of any product and it shows you a pricing rundown Froogle-style.
Yelp: I'm an avid Yelp-er and having an app that detects your location and brings up reviews of nearby restaurants and businesses is almost exactly like being in the future. My only complaints are that you can't submit a review from the app, and you can't click on a reviewer's name and see all their reviews. This is more for the location-specific features.
Paypal: Splitting the restaurant bill? Why not just send your half via Paypal and have your friend foot it on their card? Simple and straightforward app, though I am concerned about security. If someone steals my iPhone, couldn't they transfer a bunch of money from my Paypal account to their own?
Exposure: A good, workable (not to mention free) Flickr solution. View your photos and friends photos and such. I wish you could save photos viewed as wallpapers. Again, as with the Yelp app, Exposure has a location feature where it will show you images that have been geotagged near your GPS location. It won't, however, show you user profiles or anything helpful.
Enigmo: Classic "The Incredible Machine" style gameplay from Pangaea Software, and the only app so far I've spent money on. Great fun and the graphics are surprisingly decent. Satisfying sound effects, too.
T4Two Free: Really simple little Pong-style game with multi-touch. Jinny and I were playing this at the park by each holding an end of the phone and controlling a paddle with our thumbs. You can also tip the phone to influence the way the ball rolls. Real stripped-down but loads of potential here.
Midomi: Sing, hum or play a song directly into the speaker and Midomi claims to be able to detect what song it is. I have yet to have it work correctly. Maybe I don't *really* know how to sing Dani California after all.
Pandora Radio: Holy crap, this app is so good. Utilizes Pandora's online offerings and syncs any playlists you already have with the service onto your iPhone. Type in an artist or song title and it automatically generates a radio station based on your listening tastes. Sound quality is great, and you can bookmark songs or order them from iTunes directly from your phone. Handy!
Remote: The best app of the bunch. I can control iTunes on my Mac at home from anywhere in the house. I can also use Remote as I am walking home to queue up some tunes for when I walk through the door.
With all this device integration, I'm getting that great "Holy crap I am in the future" feeling from my iPhone whenever I use it. Personally, I love the little thing. It may not be as responsive as I'd like, and the apps not being able to run in the background is a pain in the ass but it is definitely a large step forward. I'll download a few more games and let you guys know how they are and be sure to listen to the podcast to hear about new apps we've tried, what we like and what we definitely didn't like.
Are there any you guys are using that you'd recommend?
So, you're an indie hipster who shops madly at Threadless? Can't be seen without your Urban Outfitters messenger bag? Do you buy the latest iPod not because you have a huge mp3 collection but because you want people to THINK you have a huge mp3 collection? And do you like Pokemon?
Nintendo has you covered, man.
Aging Pokemaniacs rejoice, there is now a way to proclaim your love of the sport AND be subtle enough that you don't come off as a child molestor. The latest Pokemon franchisee is Pokemon 151, a line of t-shirts that take your favorite teeny-tiny little killing machines and amps them up with haute designs that would put Threadless to shame. While at present only four designs are available, and the site seems to imply that these shirts are only available in Japan, the promise is that eventually the complete 151 initial Pokemon will, indeed, be made available. At present, Hot Topic is stocking retro-90s Pokemon gear, but it would be FANTASTIC if they picked these up and brought the love of Pokemon to the adults among us (myself included) utterly shameless enough to proudly and boldly admit to it.
posted by Chris on July 7, 2008 5:58 PM in Podcast
This week's podcast is weird. If you thought The Weekly Geek was already a crazy, mixed-up sort of video game blog, this podcast will re-enforce that astute observation. Your hosts Chris, Qais, Ross and Jinny discuss what they think is going to be shown at this year's E3 and if the event even matters anymore. They also talk about geek rites of passage, such as Chris' revelation that he just saw Blade Runner for the first time. A new book on nerds is discussed, dissected and judged for its cover, and they introduce a brand new geeky obsession: sous-vide cooking. Enjoy this week's podcast, for it is delicious.
I live in a tenement. Sure, it's called "comfortable urban living at sustainable lease rates," but it is, in fact, a tenement. During the day it sounds like a cross between an octogenarian Jewish guy's memoirs of Brooklyn, circa 1937, with screaming kids with names like "Sparky" and "Squeezit" playing stickball while their mothers chat away folding laundry outdoors and their fathers trudge off to work in the coal mines or for some guy named "Lucky", and, by night, a Tijuana Red Light District, with more arrests for drugs and prostitution per evening than the Netherlands has a year.
But hey, there's rent control.
My upstairs neighbors recently moved away, and they've been replaced by a new gaggle of titwits who can only be described as the worst, most obnoxious sort of gamers. Now, mind you, I write here for God's sake. I write tabletop supplements. I am comfortable with gamers, even bad ones. Like paraplegics, pedarasts and puppeteers, they're my people. I enjoy watching their strange habits and they generally keep their distance, except for Chris, who has become so clingy in his senility that I've had to expressly forbid him from standing less than two feet of me. He's taken to poking me with a bamboo rod, but I'm willing to compromise. He's a good kid.
Still, my upstairs neighbors cross the fucking line. They went and got Wii Fit. These kids weigh a good 500 lbs between the two of them, and even walking down the hall to take a piss is like the the scene in Jurassic Park with the waterglass and the tyrannosaurus. I'm a fan of loud music, so I, too, can adapt. I'm very good at adaptation.
Now, of course, Centaur #1 and Centaur #2 have decided to get in shape, and using Wii Fit is their ticket to ride. At least, I think it's a Wii Fit. A complete alternate theory exists in my head, and that is it's actually a BDSM dungeon. I hear a lot of pounding and rhythmic thumping, with grunts, moans and plenty of swear words, and that's a complete possibility. All I know is that I can't sleep.
And, like the Incredible Hulk, you wouldn't like me when I can't sleep.
Self-flagellation and guilt are two major personality traits of Geeks. A common thread in our lives is the self-hatred that comes from being told you're different than the other kids - in a bad way. Your glasses or ill-fitting clothes are wrong, your bookish manner of speech unwelcome to other "cooler" kids. We retreat to comfort, to rules and structure in a seemingly chaotic world. Thus is the thesis of Benjamin Nugent's American Nerd: The Story of My People, a book not unlike Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion for its logic and prose. Being a self-proclaimed Alpha Geek, I am always protective of my community. The mainstream view of geeks has classically been a negative one, only recently have we seen the rise of Geek Chic, the ultimate revenge. Our glasses are in style, tight thrift store shirts and beat up clothes are coveted, and our hyper-literate manner of communication welcome to prospective employers. We are, of course, a deeper people than this. We have developed a bond with other Geeks in order to ensure our survival and are protective of the shelter cobbled together with stacks of Monster Manuals and empty jewel cases. We are varied in our interests, tied together by passion alone. Misunderstood passion validated by the niche communities we affiliate ourselves with.
When I saw American Nerd was penned by the same author of Elliot Smith and the Big Nothing, I imagined a sort of Geek ambassador, a man who Knew What He Was Talking About. Elliot Smith being the ultimate Geek, one so tormented by his isolation and obsession with his craft. So misunderstood. His biography sheds insight into his otherwise isolated thoughts, so surely Nugent had the prescient ability to understand geeks, to explain them to the layman. This was a book I wanted so badly to champion. I wanted this to be a manual to understanding nerds that management types could turn to and reference when their software engineers act uncomfortable and reclusive at the company barbecue.
American Nerd excited me immensely when I first started reading it. "He understands!" I would mouth silently to myself on the bus, "He gets it!" I would tell anyone within earshot about how smart it was, how he explained why we act the way we do. I was high on the validation. For the first few chapters, Nugent achieves a Dawkins-like sense of knowing exactly what is in your head, but being more coherent in expressing it. He discusses incredibly interesting and insightful things, like where the word "nerd" comes from, discussing nerds in history and how America's physical education programs were thinly veiled Christian propaganda. He gives anecdotal accounts from his own life of nerdery, along with stories about different groups and subsets of nerds. The LARPers, the Sci-Fi geeks, the D+D nerds, the gamers. Well, the Major League Gaming gamers - the Halo 2 and Super Smash Bros. jocks. Of course being a gamer my ears (eyes?) perked up at my own subset being represented.
Nugent mentions that one major nerd calling card is their obsession with facts that would be deemed unimportant by "normal" standards. Take the pop culture nerd who kicks ass at Jeopardy!, or the Tolkien nerd who wrote their college thesis in Sindarin. Nugent knows these nerds pick through data looking for faults, and still there was a moment in the book when my faith in him as a writer was questioned. I was so enthusiastic about American Nerd up until he got a fact wrong. In the section about gaming, he talks about an MLG Smash Bros team called "Husband and Wife" because they play as Princess Peach and Prince, Peach's husband in the game. This error was compounded for a few different reasons.
Super Smash Bros is a massively popular game, selling millions of copies. Getting a character name wrong when you are writing a definitive book on the subject of nerds is just asking for trouble.
Princess Peach is not only a character in Smash Bros, but a billion other Nintendo-themed properties including the most persistent of all properties: Super Mario.
Peach isn't married, and even if she was, wouldn't she be married to Mario?
Who the fuck is Prince?
For a self-ascribed Nerd, that is a fairly fundamental fuck up. Didn't he have an editor? Wasn't there someone along the chain of Definitive Nerd Manual Construction do some fact-checking into this? Nugent then proceeded to lead his book directly down the steepest cliff he could find by ending without answering his thesis. By the end of American Nerd you realize Nugent is just talking to himself. He brings up subsets of nerdery and then leaves you hanging, wondering what his point is. While perhaps you could extrapolate your own answers as you glimpse through the tiny windows of this geek culture, any and all credibility is tossed out said windows in the last chapter, where Nugent discusses how he gave up being a nerd. As a teenager.
Wait, if you are writing a book about "Your People", shouldn't you be one of those people? As he leads you into this story of handing his Super Nintendo and collection of games off to a friend and leaving him in the dust, you realize Nugent is really just absolving himself of guilt. It's all about Kenneth, the kid with the bad family life who Nugent feels guilty leaving in his time of need. Kenneth was a dead weight on Nugent's leg, or so he felt at the time. I feel like he's written this book as a sort of dedication to his former friend; a pre-mid-life contemplative look back into his childhood. I would find this bittersweet and poignant if I wasn't led to believe he was an expert on the subject. Didn't he say in the foreword that he was "a little biased", being a nerd himself? But... he's not a nerd after all?
As I read the last few pages and shut the book, I stared out the window of the bus as it puttered through rush hour traffic. As I contemplated this abrupt end and ultimately egocentric diatribe, I couldn't help but feel like Kenneth: abandoned by someone who I thought understood me.
Anyone heard of Chrono Trigger? A little game released back in 1995 for the SNES? I realize it's obscure and all but I expect you pinnacles of geekery, you princes of Maine, might have heard of it at some point in your exhaustive games-centric research. Chris informs me (between Chrono Trigger induced pants-wetting sessions) that the original SNES version of Chrono Trigger is "one of the rarest SNES games you can find".
Well, come this holiday season, a version of Chrono Trigger that isn't a complete and total clusterfuck like the PS1 port will be coming to the DS. Excited yet? The mere mention of a port to the DS is enough to cause spasms of delight in even the most stoic of geeks. So I hope you're sitting down, as the DS port will add wireless multiplayer and a new dungeon to explore with your friends. In the palm of your hand. On Chrono Trigger.
Every time I begin to doubt that it's the future something like this happens. Screw flying cars and pill-food, I'll take Chrono Trigger on a device the size of my hands thank you very much.
The Weekly Geek is less a blog and more a podcast, this much is true. I completely admit that my little rants here and there on this site are the equivalent of the Tom Jones that's playing over the speakers at the grocery store. You're not there to listen to Tom Jones, you're there to buy rutabagas. Why are you buying rutabagas? I don't know. What's a rutabaga, anyway? I don't know. I don't know a damn thing about rutabagas. It's just a fun word to type.
Rutabaga, rutabaga, rutabaga.
So, ultimately, as far as the Weekly Geek's blog goes, it's here for your convenience while you wait for the podcast to download. A crunchy, sesame flecked breadstick before the Baloney Alfredo that is Mack and Caspian. Would madame prefer some FRESHLY CRACKED PEPPER? Would sir enjoy FRESHLY GRATED PARMESAN? Would Her Majesty gasp wistfully at some FRESHLY BUTTERED HAGFISH CUBES?
While the Weekly Geek's Blog is just a side dish, there are, believe it or not, blogs that exist solely for the pleasure of blogging alone. Self-induced bloggery is a disease and a scourge upon the urban landscape, somewhere between prostitution and those embroidered jeans with pseudo-Victorian motifs on them. Blogs like Perez Hilton and Ain't It Cool News are essentially shill-magnification zones, the rebirth of the Payola Scandals of the 1950s.
If you aren't aware of the Payola Scandals, they worked a bit like this: Record Company A would come to Radio Show Host B, and offer Radio Show Host B several hundred dollars to play one of Record Company A's records over and over again until the public had no choice but to accept it as a required purchase on their next record buying trip. This was, of course, the days before iPods and mp3s, so if a record was being pushed heavily by the record company, your Montgomery Wards or J.C. Penney's or Wilburson-Cockshit-on-Cam's would stock it by dearth of knowing that it was being played so often on the radio.
The Payola system explains why Buddy Holly became famous. I know I'm going to get hundreds (well, maybe one) of hate mails about this, but Buddy Holly was, and still is, the worst singer/songwriter of all time. Buddy Holly is to singing/songwriting what leprosy is to a Fourth of July Barbecue. Thank GOD he died in that plane crash. He fucking deserved it. As he currently burns in Hell for his crimes against humanity, we can all be thankful that Congress took the Payola problem into their own enormously chubby and checkered hands, and outlawed it.
Still, the Payola system lives on, in the so-called NEW MEDIA. NEW MEDIA must always be capitalized, because NEW MEDIA is here to stay. Basically, in the NEW MEDIA Payola, the Payola is even easier than it ever was, because bloggers are generally amateurs who have day jobs, and therefore, no dignity. Whereas before the NEW MEDIA, people who reviewed media were called "critics" and generally had doctorates or war correspondent credentials or very large hats, "critics" these days are rarely actually critical of anything at all, and hopelessly fawning over whatever they're given for free.
A few years ago, the decision was made that E-3 would restrict it's invite-only system to make it much more difficult for bloggers to attend, and the bloggers threw an unholy fit about it. I find it interesting that E-3 has to restrict attendance, whereas the Adult Industry Convention in Las Vegas actually SELLS tickets, and people who are otherwise completely passively associated with the "adult industry" (i.e. they've certainly been on a few covers, and interior pages, if you know what I mean) have no problem getting in. E-3, however, is different, and exceedingly exclusive, and this works to the favor of the gaming companies, because a ticket to E-3 is the blogging equivalent of a Golden Ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Bloggers will do literally anything to attend, going so far as to give Will Wright a complete pass on his child molestation rumors. Now, I'm not saying Will Wright is a child molestor, but I'm not saying he isn't, and you're free to read between the lines on that, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
And now, the Weekly Geek will never again be invited to E-3.
Will Wright's supposed tendency toward underage pederasty aside, there are a few tricks and tactics to being a successful Indie Blogger Cock and, thus, scoring as many freebies as possible.
1. DRESS AS ECCENTRICALLY AS POSSIBLE
Nothing says "NEW MEDIA" like dressing like an explosion at a K-Mart. Harry J. Knowles, who makes Two Ton Torres look like Karen Carpenter, seems to have started this tendency, although Matt Drudge's "Lemony Snicket" affectations certainly didn't stop that ball from rolling any further than it needed to. Perez Hilton, who otherwise looks like a total cuddlebug, personally keeps Manic Panic in business, and Ana Marie Cox, "Wonkette", tries to buck the trend by presenting herself as a fashionable Barbera Bush style proto-matron, but ends up looking like Cruella de Ville on a chubby day.
I, personally, admit to a certain predilection toward velvet and leather in my wardrobe, and I own a pair of trendy black nerd glasses. Of course, unlike the pretenders, I have spent time in a mental institution, so "eccentricity" is not my goal, it's just the polite way of describing it.
2. PICK A SUBJECT AND NEVER DEVIATE FROM IT.
If your blog's subject is "film", for instance, pick A film, preferably a sci-fi trilogy of some sort, and yammer on and on about it endlessly, comparing every new film you see unfavorably to the brilliance that is your particular hobbyhorse. If your blog is political in nature, pick a hilariously offensive nickname for the leader of your party's opposition ("Black Insane Obama" is a good one, "John McGain" is a slightly more subtle equivalent) and refuse to call that person by their real name. If your blog is about fashion or celebrities, obsess over one certain person ad absurdam.
Remember: Blogging isn't journalism. You're not supposed to be objective. You are to be slavishly one-sided and utterly devoted to your pointless "insider" position.
3. DEMAND AS MUCH FREE SWAG AS POSSIBLE, AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, AND TO AS MANY PLACES AS POSSIBLE.
And don't be afraid to threaten to throw back the thinly woven curtain of deceit surrounding the pedophilic tendencies of your quarry, either. Please give me free Spore stuff.
Again, the Weekly Geek is guilty of this one, although I am, admittedly, not a recipient of as much largesse as others. The worst I get is emails offering me "sneak previews" of shitty web cartoons. And while my particular sickness gets off on cultural fecalphilia, I should, by all rights, be demanding much, much more. I should be demanding paid junkets to the Lucas Ranch for hookers and blow and handjobs from Robert Rodriguez. I not only demand these trinkets, but I also demand to be put on VH1 as an "I Heart the ________" talker. I heart the ________ more than you do, and I can prove it, because I have a blog.
Incidentally, Michael Ian Black* the penultimate hearter of the ________, opened his blog a scant few weeks ago, to coincide with his book of essays about his van customization service. 90% of it is him (charmingly) attempting to start an East/West Rap style feud with David Sedaris. Good for him! My dream is to be a heart-er of something, preferably the 80s, maybe the 90s, but I'll settle for the Oughts in due time.
The Free Swag situation is a problem, sadly, especially in the geekier parts of the blogospheroidmatron. The comic conventions, which have long basically just been an excuse to throw free shit at increasingly desperate nerds, excel (saga) at this tactic. Nerds will love anything they get free shit for, which explains why Iron Man somehow became this century's version of Citizen Kane overnight.
On the video gaming front, from Nintendo, I was given a plastic mannequin hand for my DS. X-Box once gave me a foam rubber brain shaped stress ball and a LANYARD(!), and Sony gave me a keychain shaped like a tomato, in one of the great non-sequiters of all time. Of the three, Nintendo's was the best, thus tainting my opinion of Nintendo for decades to come. Still, I sigh longingly whenever I see that LANYARD(!) and think of my close personal friends at Microsoft (especially Ted in Accounting, KEEP AIMING FOR THAT STAR, YOU CRAZY DIAMOND!). As for Sony, they can choke on their own vomit, so far as I care.
APPENDIX: WEBCOMIC BLOGGING
This one is tricky, and, admittedly, a salvo for the few brave souls who have webcomics AND blogs. Your webcomic must be understood by reading your blog, and your blog must be completely unreadable without first reading the webcomic. This cyclical system is required, and cannot be broken, lest the whole balance of the Chi be thrown off.
Your webcomic explains your blog, and your blog explains your webcomic. Break the circle at your own peril. Penny Arcade once broke this rule, and the next day, Tycho got fat. I know, man. I KNOW, MAN.
*I harbo(u)r a personal lust for Mr. Black that few would ever understand. You think I'm joking. Ha ha. I'm his own personal Mark David Chapman. I'm right behind you, Bright Eyes.
I've been beaten to the punch on this by just about every music enthusiast with a blog, but I won't let that stop me.
Girl Talk, stage name for master mash bandit Gregg Gillis, just released Feed the Animals (some of which was featured in the last podcast) online. Plainly stated, it's art by juxtaposition. Effortlessly he blends samples from a 3+ decade, genre-hopping selection. With little to no reverence, but with an uncanny rhythmic intuition, artists like Busta Rhymes & The Police merge with dramatically awesome results.
This video delves into Gillis' creative process (however glancingly), and shows him butchering Elvis Costello to bits and using him as a small tile in a larger mosaic.
The most telling quote Gillis makes is the last; perhaps letting on that mashing isn't as simple as this short YouTube clip makes it seem: "If you spend a few hours or years doing that you can kinda go places with it."
It is prophesied that in the End Times, a dark force will be born in the East, carried on wings of ill-advised marketing and deliberate product placement, that the Anticomedy, the one force of evil so hellaciously non-comedic, will arise. The Anticomedy, upon coming to power, will bring the Laffageddon upon us, and many millions will perish in his wrath.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Myers (not to be confused with Michael Myers, our favorite babysitter-killing sociopath in a William Shatner mask) is, undoubtedly, the Anticomedy. I can confirm this with numerology, I can verify this with Biblical texts, I can point to specific texts in the Secret Vatican Library that point to the Dark One's ineffable plan to obliterate the righteous power of comedy once and for all. That would take time, of course.
The Love Guru is a film about, well, a love guru. In a parody of Dr. Phil crossed with Deepak Chopra, Mike Myers piddles around in his THIRD bad rendition of a Peter Sellers character (Dieter, the host of Sprockets being Dr. Strangelove, Austin Powers being Sellers' turn at James Bond in Casino Royale, and the Love Guru, whose actual name I have forgotten less than 24 hours after viewing it, based on Hrundi V. Bakshi from The Party), using his trademark scatological ha-has and even a urine soaked mop fight to attempt to sell us on the idea of the Love Guru being another film franchise.
What's always confused me about Myers is why he is the one with multimillion dollar puff-piece extravaganzas and Dana Carvey, his ally in the Wayne's World movies, seemingly completely incapable of getting anything made. Sure, The Master of Disguise was a bad movie, but not nearly as bad as The Love Guru, both of which are plotless sketch comedies thinly packed around a broadly based costumed character. Pistachio Disguisey at least gave us the cultural meme "TURTLE, TURTLE, TURTLE." To make it even more insulting, Myers steals practically wholesale the same gimmick, premise and follow-through as Sasha Cohen's brilliant Borat, only without any sense of satire or gravitas that Borat actually brought to the table.
Borat was a broad comic character, yes. The conceit that he was interviewing Americans about American foibles, especially during a time of war and bad political policies, actually made Borat a very timely, very powerful character. Mike Myers, as Guru Pitka, is neither based in a satirical reality nor fantastic enough to be cinematic. Even Austin Powers, a character that was tired 3/4s of the way through the first movie, at least had a plot to keep us busy.
The Love Guru also stars Justin Timberlake as a character named Jacque "Le Coq". Yes. Oh, and the "funny" names only get more obvious. A classic Kids in the Hall sketch, featuring Kevin McDonald and Dave Foley as themselves in a writer's meeting, touches on the rules of "funny" names, ruling that just putting two words together and hoping they sound funny and then attaching a "Mister" ahead of it is rarely funny.
Again, one character is named "Dick Pants".
Oy. Fucking. Vey.
Ultimately, this is one of the classic unfunny comedies, up there with Dan Ackroyd's career killer, Nothing But Trouble. It's tasteless, it's baseless, it's just lame.
Final Judgement: ONLY THE EXORCIST CAN SAVE US NOW.
The Weekly Geek is done on a zero budget, with no funding other than ads and merch. Help support the site with a donation! Consider it like tipping your waiter. We also give gifts for larger donations.
