Sony's Desperation... and cupcakes.
Working at The Major National Chain Toystore That Shall Not Be Named gives me a few perks that the other Geeks don't have. For example, I find out which new fire Pokemon is the most powerful (I kid you not... they handed out a little "test yourself" sheet so we could talk about Pokemon without being embarrassed) a month before anyone else. I find out which of the High School Musical kids is the one with the inter-nudes (Gabriella, btw).
And, annoyingly, Sony rails at me for not selling their product.
I will need to preface this by saying that I was forced to sign a NDA about where I work, so I cannot ever actually say which one it was. I will give you a hint: their mascot has a black tongue. 'Nuff said. Anyway, I rarely attend meetings, since I don't see customers, and 9 out of 10 meetings involve screaming sessions about why we're not selling "Protection Plans".
Why are we not selling "Protection Plans"? Because our customers generally have at least two brain cells that connect together, that's why.
I need to digress a bit and rail about "Protection Plans". They're not insurance. They're not warranties. Getting paid out is purely at the discretion of the selling party, and thus, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR MONEY. You have no legal rights outside of the freedom to write a sternly worded telegram.
Fuck 'em.
Mr. Sony enters the store, trying to be all hip and not fat (failing on both accounts) and proceeds to kick off the PS3 presentation with a harsh screed on how WE, the salesman, make the difference in selling his turd of a product. WE, not the myopic uber-corporation intent on cramming Blu-Ray down our throats like it or not, are the reason the PS3 isn't selling.
He turns around and goes through the sample list, including the only game I'm remotely interested in (Little Big Planet), and proceeds to take questions.
Dumb girl question: "Can I play World of Warcraft on it?"
Dumb Sony answer: "Not yet."
Amusingly irate question from the bike assemblers: "If this system is $500, and the Wii is $250, how can you possibly assert that this is a good 'starter' system?"
Sony answer: "We don't, actually. We're well aware that the people who are buying the PS3 are hardcore players. And they *deep breath of condescension* don't like to booooooooooooowl."
Long, hateful hiss from the crowd.
My question: "How will Sony deal with the reality that the small, quirky games that made the PS2 great are not being developed, in favor of these immensely baroque All-Singing, All-Dancing extravaganzas that the casual player doesn't care about? Where are the Katamari Damacys and the Psychonauts?"
His answer: "HAVE I SHOWN YOU SONY HOME?!"
Ah yes... it was beautiful.
A co-worker, who looks uncannily like Chris, asked the ultimate question: "Are you looking forward to Halo 3?"
Dark, dark silence.
A piercing glare of hatred in Sony guy's face.
"I brought lanyards."
That done, we filed out, and I realized I had a slit in my pants and I was too embarrassed to stand much longer, but other than that, an expression of Sony's desperation. And there were cupcakes.
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss, we won't be fooled again.
