Florian Returns in Epic Fashion
I am filled with a soaring happiness this morning. Is it the gloomy Seattle weather, rainy yet mildly warm? Certainly not. Is it the fact that I got three hours of sleep last night? No, of course. It's that I had the privileged of getting in to work and reading the first post of Florian Eckhardt's on Destructoid. Florian and Eliza Gauger (frequent Weekly Geek podcast guest, if you recall) used to be the only reason you'd read Kotaku, for their witty rapport and brilliant wordsmithery. Truly, they are games journalists to look up to. Just check out this small snippet as Florian recounts an imaginary scenario in which he visits Destructoid headquarters for the first time.
Furious, I burst into Niero's office, but not even the vomit-inducing pageant of grotesqueries I found within could stifle my obscene litany of "Well I nevers!" Imagine the grossest looking humanoid in the world: a golem-like creature of mozzarella and bird droppings, stuffed into a pair of children's Underoos and with a jellyfish draped over his head. This is Niero. His fetid liquidity and jelly-like skeleton were constrained on each side by the lip of the plastic kiddy pool in which he less sat than congealed. Sitting cross-legged before him, two beautiful, nut-brown Filipino boys. Each held a moist GameCube controller that umbilically stretched from Niero's toilet-sized navel. As they mashed buttons and swirled thumbsticks counter-clockwise, Niero emitted gurgles of pleasure and I knew I was witnessing something profane. But I was a crackerjack businessman: this was a time for negotiations, not gastric upheaval.
Just... there are no words for the happiness I am feeling to have these people back in games journalism. These are exciting times.
What say you?!