Overview: Accused of being a tag-along for the Halo 3 beta, Crackdown is at first glance a Grand Theft Auto clone. It has strikingly similar gameplay (open-ended sandbox-style) and even gets as close as a lack of a soundtrack except when in a vehicle. Reviewers all over the interwebs are saying it stands on its own, and DESTRUCTOID's own Rob Summa can't stop gushing about it. Personally I was never a fan of the GTA series. I appreciated the concept and respected it for that it brought to the genre, but it just bored me. I love a good story, and I love deep immersive gameplay. Crackdown seems like a game I would pick up, play for 15 minutes, and fall asleep bored. This actually ends up not being the case. I just can't put it down.
The storyline is simple: there really is none. You are a super agent sent on a mission to get rid of the three different gangs in Pacific City. After that, there is little in the way of fleshing out what you would call a plot or a narrative. Is this a good or a bad thing? How's the replay value? Multiplayer? Hit the jump for a full review.
posted by Mike on February 27, 2007 1:48 PM in Music
Astralwerks, the label that brought us Air, Phoenix, and Beth Orton, are now upping the compilation ante. In what might be the best idea for a collaborative volume in ages, the music of German synth pioneers Kraftwerk is being shrink-wrapped and reinterpreted through 8-bit video game sequencers. As if their music didn't appeal to the geek crowd enough already, make them sound like an early Konami game soundtrack and we will adore it infinitely more.
All our favorite Gameboy programmers are representing in force and their work here is top notch. Standouts include Glomag's rendering of "Pocket Calculator," 8-Bit Weapon laying a moody pad down on "Spacelab," and Role Model waxing Annie Lennox on "Showroom Dummies." 15 tracks of blips and bloops might seem overkill, but there's enough variety and continuity here to make 8-Bit Operators the best thing to put on when you feel like dusting off your old NES cartridges. My personal favorite though is Hamburg's Oliver Wittchow putting a heavy arcade coating on "Kristallo." Every pre-console visceral noise is accounted for- the tank kersploding in Battlezone, the pow box in Mario Bros., and the trickle-down in Centipede- yet all of them maintain the melody and rhythmic punch of the original tune.
With a background unabashedly nerdy and innovative, the "krautrock" quartet almost independently evolved electronic music in their over quarter-century existence. It's inspiring to see that heritage of pushing technological boundaries upheld in these protégés. From the first notes of Bacalao's opening cover of "The Robots (Die Roboter)" you realize you're in for a real treat. By the time closing track "The Man Machine (Die Mensch-Maschine)" by gwEm and Counter Reset wraps up the set, its clear that only the vintage gaming audio suited this compilation- no other method captures the mechanical mindset and imaginative potential of a band as important as Kraftwerk.
posted by Chris on February 27, 2007 9:29 AM in Games
I have very fond memories of spending the night at my friend Mark's house in middle school, staying up all night playing on his PC (he was the only one of our group that had Windows 95), obsessing over games like Warcraft II and The Dig. I played The Dig all the way through in one sitting, and from what I can remember it was a masterpiece.
I can also remember that it was OVER TEN YEARS AGO. While not technically abandonware (mainly because technically software cannot be technically abandonware anyway) it's still an older program. Classic? Yes. Still commercially viable? No. So it surprised me to see that LucasArts is currently in a trademark dispute with Digg over the fact that the two names sound the same. What the fuck?
It's as if a bigwig over at LucasArts had absolutely nothing to do one day, and just started comparing names of big websites to their own intellectual properties. You know what, LucasArts? I'll save you the trouble. Here are some more people to go after.
This week I was on DESTRUCTOID's PODTOID again! They SAY the quality sucked, but I think it's pretty passable. Tune in to hear the origins of my lame nickname and to hear some cusses.
posted by Chris on February 25, 2007 7:01 PM in Podcast
Heroes on the half shell Frodo, The Geek and White Mage talk this week about how the US Postal Service sucks, Halo fanboys, 300 (the movie, not just the number), Xbox Live Arcade releases, Sega moving to the DS, Zelda Ocarina of Time, the Justice League movie and more. Download the podcast here or subscribe!
Our pals over at GayGamer announced today that they are going to get into the soul-crushing world of webcomics! If the art is any indication they have a slightly better chance than me, but that all depends on the writing. A webcomic is only as good as its dialog (I'm looking at you, MacHall), and it seems that the ever-brilliant GayGamer staffers are going to be scribing this thing. From the art (pictured) it looks almost as if it is going to be more of a classic story-based comic book than your standard gag-a-day webcomic strip. Which is a nice departure from the norm.
I wish you intrepid homos good luck in your endeavor. May your readers be bountiful, and your joysticks always pointing to the sky.
Earlier this month we announced a contest for whoever had the geekiest desk filled with toys, gadgets and other junk. A winner has been decided, and the gold medal/crown/trophy goes to Charlie! He narrowly beat out Sitnalta (who had a freakin' Tesla coil) due to his massive amount of toys, TV tuned to Firefly, copy of Kitchen Confidential and authentic movie memorabilia. Congratulations! For winning this contest, Charlie recieves various adulation for being an obsessive-compulsive pack-rat, a hand-made Weekly Geek statue, a limited edition hardcover copy of the first Penny Arcade collection, a Wii Play gold medal, a Microsoft snowboarding hat, Adobe board wax, a Zelda T-Shirt and whatever miscellaneous swag I can jam into a small cardboard box.
posted by Mike on February 22, 2007 12:44 PM in Music
As sad as Frodo and I were over the Coachella Lineup announcement and the fact that we'd have to magically score press tickets and travel 1,300 miles to get there, there's finally some relief! Hey, we have a kick ass festival here in the Pacific Northwest. Sasquatch Festival officially did their name-dropping for 2007 too, and the news is good... very good. Weekly Geek favorites Bjork and Arcade Fire are going to be there, get this- ON THE SAME DAY! I don't really see how I have to sell this event any more. Now if only I could get backstage with my wife to proposition Bjork for a threesome, then I could die happy.
Check out the full lineup (so far, there are more TBA supposedly) after the jump, or visit Sasquatch's Website for more details.
posted by Chris on February 22, 2007 10:11 AM in Games
The always hilarious Drew from Toothpaste for Dinner (Weekly Geek interview here) took the plunge and tried playing Second Life. For those of you who don't know, Second Life is like Everquest without the quest. It's almost like a giant chat room where people go to have puppet sex. From his writeup:
Yesterday I downloaded something called Second Life. It is like Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, except you can't shoot anyone, and you can't hit people. You just walk around. There are no prostitutes, and everything costs real money, and you can't rob anyone to get money. You have to use your credit card, with real money, to buy fake money to use in the game. It's not actually like Grand Theft Auto at all.
Second Life is free to play, and I keep seeing people referring to it in the news, so I had to take one for the team and just dive on in. I knew it probably wasn't going to be intriguing when I got to the signup part and couldn't even make a one-word name. I had to use some fantasy-ass last name and I couldn't even use cusses. The best I could do was call myself Wenis.
Wenis Swindlehurst: How do I hit people
Foxbrand Leprechaun: You can't
Wenis Swindlehurst: I need that shit you drive.
My character came pre-loaded as a "cybergoth". Most people I saw in the game, jerkily wandering around, also had fantasy-ass names. They also had fantasy asses. Perfect, round fantasy asses. Which left me with only one choice: I had to become what they were not.
I imagine I would have the same experience, were I to take the plunge. I have avoided playing Second Life for this very reason. It looks horrible, and the community looks like all the stupid BBS cosplay LARP crap that I thought was so lame back in high school. He makes the point that everything was like a preteen's idea of sex. It seems like a place for emotionally stunted or immature people to gather and try to feel important. I don't need that. I'll go play fun games, thanks.
posted by Chris on February 22, 2007 9:09 AM in Games
An overflowing tank of gas. A six pack of six packs. Food and schooling for a starving child in a third world country for a year. These are all things that you can spend thirty bucks on. And now, thanks to Microsoft, there's more! The Xbox 360's Platinum Hits collection will be expanded this month, adding Rockstar's Table Tennis, Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter, Battlefield 2, Call of Duty 2, Dead or Alive 4 and more to the budget-priced selection.
It's nice to see more 360 games being reduced in price, as new games come out at a steep sixty. Being a new 360 owner myself, I'd like to go through the back catalog and see if there's anything I've missed. 360 owners, what should I pick up off this list?
Are these words and phrases all too familiar to you? Then you probably play video games online, particularly on Xbox Live. As we all know, the internet allows for anonymous multi-player game action. And for some reason, it brings out the worst in people. You want to go online and play a nice game of Halo 2 or Uno or something and be able to play against people without having to invite their smell into your home. 95% of the time, you're going to end up playing with people who repeatedly want to call into question the moral standings of your mother.
We've all played against this guy. It's irritating and it can really piss you off sometimes. What happened to good sportsmanship? It goes both ways. If your opponent wins, they'll jeer at you at tell you how much you suck and how hard they owned you. If you win, they'll complain about the validity of your strategy and tactics, or even accuse you of cheating.
It's hard not to get into it with these people; to play their game. Sometimes it just gets to be too much and you cuss right back at them, calling them names, and dropping right down to their level. It's human nature. The problem is that if you give in to these temptations, then you're just fostering an environment of jerkfacedness. Now, some people will tell you to just ignore them or put them on mute. That's boring and lame. If you want to react to these jerks, you have to be creative about it. Hit the jump to read the best methods to deal with online assholes.
posted by Mike on February 20, 2007 12:18 PM in Music
We Were Dead before the Ship Even Sank culminates three years of work for the crossover anthem craftsmen, but the first impression you get from Isaac Brock’s latest group of rants is that this record was rushed. Late last year before the first single “Dashboard” dropped, Modest Mouse made a huge splash by announcing that pop guitar icon Johnny Marr of The Smiths fame was going to be a full-time band member and assist in the songwriting process. As big a deal as that was at the time, now that the album has arrived, Marr’s effect on the band is very subtle. Not quite the sweeping change you would expect for someone notorious for anal-retentive track layering in the studio.
We Were Dead has a couple similarities to Good News for People Who Love Bad News (the band’s last effort and huge success): a largely accessible single (“Dashboard” and “Float On”) and a slow, emotive tirade (“Parting of the Sensory” and “Bukowski”). Beyond that however, the filler tracks are much less substantive. Though Good News was a very rewarding listen after the success of “Float On,” We Were Dead seems to be a waste of time after the highly marketed tracks. Good News had clear lyrical ideas that developed trust over the course of the album, whereas We Were Dead has a lot of angry babbling and guitar buildups that lead nowhere. Gone are the fitting analogies (“Like Black Cadillacs outside a funeral”), and in their place are very confusing run-ons (“If you think you know enough to know you know we’ve had enough”).
Pulling the blinders over the mainstream’s eyes seems to be Brock’s forte now. That may have worked in the past, where you could sell millions of records on the strength of a single, but in an age where ninety-nine cent downloads are becoming the norm consumers are going to get smart and buy the smash hit and leave the dead insulation songs behind. It may not be entirely Modest Mouse’s fault if that happens though. Part of me wants to think they were hurried into releasing this album, despite the long layoff. Evidence of this is found on the song “Education” where they recycle beats and heap on the Tom Waits-like shouting found on their last CD. The pressure of being on Sony/BMG might be getting to Isaac a little now that the honeymoon is over. Instead of writing because he loves to (on his own time), he’s now under contract to put out content.
Under that lens, bringing on Johnny Marr to push things along and add inspiration makes more sense, but it seems like he didn’t have much to work with. The tracks where you notice the Ex-Smith’s presence most are “Fire It Up” and “Missed the Boat” where you see that signature Marr guitar glimmer, and there’s definitely potential in these tunes, but it’s apparent that the new collaboration needs more time to evolve. Another cute cameo that appears tacked on to try and salvage We Were Dead is James Mercer from The Shins singing some sweet backups on a couple songs (notably “We’ve Got Everything”), but again, the interplay between Mercer and Brock seems forced.
The last remaining hope I have for Modest Mouse after the disappointment of these 14 songs is that the band will hone the new connection with Johnny Marr into something special over the course of this upcoming tour. Having him render their older songs in a new light will better prepare them for the next time they hit the studio and they can fully take advantage of the talent.
posted by Chris on February 19, 2007 8:05 PM in Games
Guest Article by Jonny Lupsha
Video game music has seen a thirty-year transition from silence to orchestrated scores by modern classical composers that was so smooth, it's hard to imagine how it all happened.
Any gamer worth his or her salt remembers what they heard the first time they flipped on the NES and prepared for the quest to slay Ganon, Bowser, Dracula or Mother Brain. My brother and I would run from the other end of the house every time we heard my dad throwing his first punches in Kung Fu. Little eight-minute MIDI symphonies seemed as good as it could get and, many would argue, still are.
The next logical step was the analog keyboard version of Alice in Chains' "Angry Chair" in Doom II, which might as well have been my CD collection in a video game.
Trent Reznor's score for Id’s Quake was, to me, mind-blowing. The eerie industrial-ambient drones – complete with embedded grenade-bouncing sounds in one of the tracks – chilled me to the bone. I had a running conspiracy theory that violence-inducing soundwaves were hidden in that album and experimented on it for months on end. Years later, Akira Yamaoka's Silent Hill scores paralleled Reznor's Quake score for the survival horror series.
posted by Chris on February 18, 2007 7:00 PM in Podcast
This week The Geek and Frodo bring you a public service announcement of sorts, discussing the top 100 top selling games of 2006. Frodo rants a bit about Wii Play and how it sucks, Paperboy on Xbox Live Arcade and how it sucks, how Xbox 360 Hard Drives often suck, and how Nintendo's customer service completely does not suck. Also discussed is grandma stink and politics. Sound good to you? Great! Download the podcast, subscribe, and read some show notes.
posted by Mike on February 15, 2007 12:25 PM in Music
Why 2007? Why has it taken 21 long years for Sting, Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland to take the stage together again? Obviously Sting was a raving egomaniac at the time of the breakup, Andy vowed to never work with him, and Stewart wondered why the hell he wasn't playing drums anymore. But I'd say as far back as 10 years ago, Sting was far past his egotism and in the yoga-practicing, smooth jazz creating stage. You'd think at that point they would've realized "Hey, we were the greatest band of the 80s, let's get over our petty differences and give our adoring fans what they've been wanting." I guess not. The great news is, they're definitely not washed up. Sting still looks freaking ripped, has an amazing amount of vocal range left, and the band is just as technically superb as ever. They did a fantastic live rendition of "Roxanne" at the 49th Grammy Awards to announce their reunion tour, and the only lingering question in your mind after watching it is: Why this long?
After the jump check out the tour dates posted for The Police's 2007 tour. Let's face it, unless you're willing to shell out half your paycheck, or you luck out and win them in a radio contest, the average Police fan will never touch these tickets. But maybe a high quality concert DVD will result from these dates? Who knows?
posted by Chris on February 14, 2007 6:37 AM in Podcast
The Geek and Frodo take a trip this week to the Penny Arcade compound for an exclusive interview with Robert Khoo. Discussed are the rapid expansion of the Penny Arcade Expo, Penny Arcade's future, The Penny Arcade Video Game, Frodo pisses off Khoo and Khoo destroys Frodo's business card, and Web Directions North. Khoo also drops an exclusive, revealing more of the Penny Arcade Expo musical guest lineup (Hint, Freezepop and the OneUps are coming!) Download the show now, or subscribe!
You can check out the full podcast and chat with Robert Khoo when it gets posted a bit later today. Until then begin to salivate for the next 6 1/2 months until PAX comes along.
posted by Chris on February 13, 2007 9:47 AM in Rant
We've all had awful experiences at Gamestop and EB Games. These juggernauts of corporate greed have pushed out all the "mom and pop" game stores and taken over the used game market. They are notorious for buying low and selling high. Got an Xbox 360 game you're bored of? Take it to Gamestop! You'll get $20 for it! 'Course, they will turn right around and sell that game for $55, but what do you care?
You should care. These games have already made Gamestop money! If you shop there regularly and purchase new games from them, Gamestop already made their $5 profit. They squeeze every last droplet of sweet, sweet cash out of the game industry, and they'll treat you like dirt each time. We, as gamers, love the convenience of being able to drop a load of old games and get a new game in return, but we are getting ripped off. Yet we keep coming back, and fueling the machine.
Gamestop and EB Games are both broken, and I have some solutions as to how to fix them.
Overview: Wii Play is a new concept being pushed by Nintendo, it's like that scuba diving game you used to play back in middle school that taught you how to use a mouse. It is a series of Wii Sports-style minigames (even using the same menus and similar music) that function as an introduction to using the Wii Remote to play games. The games are long enough to be interesting, but short enough to be... interesting. Who exactly is this game marketed toward? Read my opinions after the jump.
posted by Nevery on February 12, 2007 10:01 AM in Games
I made a post on Gamersurvival a while ago with a bunch of screenshots from the fancy looking upcoming Mario goodness, Super Paper Mario. This game was originally slated to be released on the GameCube towards the end of last year, but today Nintendo graced us with probably one of the oddest press releases I've ever seen. Needless to say, we will finally get some Wii Mario love on April 9th. Full press release after the jump.
posted by Chris on February 12, 2007 9:37 AM in Games
Finally. A Wii Virtual Console release day worthy of song and praise. Today Nintendo has deemed us worthy enough to allow the esteemed download of two great (and one so-so) titles. Kirby's Adventure (NES), Kid Icarus (NES) and Ice Climber (NES).
Kirby's Adventure is one of my all-time FAVORITE games. It was released near the end of the NES days and is not only full of great gameplay and unlockables, but is beautiful to boot. It really perfected the Kirby formula and is just ridiculous fun to play. Definitely a download there.
And for you masochists, you can grab Kid Icarus. Me, I could never get past the very first time you meet the reaper. When he sees you and starts jumping around... it just gives me the heebly-jeeblies.
Keep it up, Nintendo. This is the kind of release day we are looking for. With the lack of online play for your VC games, nothing so beautiful as Achievement points, and your high price tag, you are going to have to find a way to sway people like me. This is the way.
Hey all you geek-kateers, the show for this week is going to be slightly delayed due to some special stuff going down. I don't wanna completely spill the beans, but I can let you know that we are going to be recording the show at the special subterranean complex headquarters of a giant international entertainment conglomeration. And joining us will be the mastermind behind the inner business workings to answer our most probing questions and to talk in general with us about the Gamut of Geekery™.
I had the honor of being able to attend this year's Web Directions North - a gathering of designers, css/xhtml evangelists, UI specialists, accessability gurus, and other radical web futurists up in Vancouver BC at the fabulous Renaissance Harborside. It was a three-day event, with workshops and seminars (lectures) about the past, present and future of the web. There were some very interesting speakers and subjects, and as a whole I found the conference incredibly useful, if not slightly light on content.
For those of you who don't know, my day job is a designer and producer for a small company in Seattle which does internet marketing, SEO, design and more. We do a little bit of everything. Some new pages that I have designed include ColdHeat and Bella Sara (I am not responsible from any eye-burning that results from you clicking that previous link. Wait, yes I am.) I am a big accessability and semantics evangelist, I truly believe that there is a right and wrong way to code up the internets, and I try to learn more about how to better my skills in that field every day. I am enthusiastic about it; aside from gaming and podcasting, coding CSS and designing web pages is my idea of fun. Yeah, I'm a nerd. Deal.
I was already familiar with some of the names at the conference. I'd been looking to Cameron Moll's work for inspiration for a little while now, and Dave Shea created the milestone in CSS advocacy that is the CSS Zen Garden. It was super exciting to get to hear these guys talk, and anyone that is associated with them has to be entertaining as well. It's true!
The only issue I had with the conference was that it was filled with enthusiasts, yet the speakers seemed to feel the need to focus heavily on history and simple descriptions of new (or current) concepts. The actual information was light, sometimes the lectures felt like advertisements for whatever subject they were discussing. Which was great for lectures like Tantek's talk on microformats (so slick!), but maybe not so great for Dave Shea and Veerle's talk on the design process. I really felt like I wanted more meat to that one, they spent a lot of time on stuff like finding inspiration through office decoration. Which, to me, felt like really really basic design stuff.
Everyone there was attending because we are already really into things like the semantic web, thinking objectively about UI design, and basically improving the user experience on the Internet today. We could have handled bigger words!
I walked away with a ton of information to pass on to my co-workers, mostly in the form of validation of theories and techniques I have already been advocating in my designs. That was nice. I can actually go to my boss and say: "See, OTHER designers don't feel that giving clients more than one mockup is a good idea, either! I'm not doing it anymore, nyeh nyeh." The networking opportunities were spectacular, the parties were well-catered and fun and I got a chance to hand out my new moo cards, which people loved.
There's lots of room for improvement. First of all, more comfortable chairs. Sweet jesus my back hurt so bad after sitting in one spot for what amounted to 6 hours total each day. Also, we were told we'd have Wifi in the common areas, and not only were there difficulties with that, we could barely even connect to the premium network in the hotel. While this wasn't the organizer's fault - it was very important to me and would have been nice if they got a bit more involved.
I met some great people and got to listen to some real important leaders in the field that I am lucky enough to get to be paid to be in. Am I going to try and attend next year's? Yes, but I'm bringing a comfy chair.
posted by Mike on February 8, 2007 6:37 PM in Music
Little by little, the radio and label powers-that-be are realizing that quality music sells over time. Prime examples of this sudden epiphany are bands like The Shins- that have been lingering, sometimes keeping day jobs to play music and put out records for years. It's a bit odd now that the big wigs (and the world) are finally noticing.
In the past two weeks Wincing the Night Away has been at the top and hovering in the Billboard Charts. Their vaulting single "Phantom Limb" is the most unique sounding four and a half minutes on Alternative Rock Stations. It came on local 107.7 The End while I was driving the other day and it sounded eerily and beautifully distant juxtaposed right after a run-of-the-mill Foo Fighters tune.
Lead-off number "Sleeping Lessons" has songwriter James Mercer singing "put yourself in my new shoes" and The Shins' new journey on Wincing the Night Away makes sense. From the dry, simple Chutes Too Narrow they needed this glaze to keep themselves from seeming too much like a one-trick pony.
As happy as I am for their success, this is unfortunately not The Shins' best work. Being merchants of gloriously simple melodies, the very same production value that makes their singles so accessible to the pop world on Wincing, also makes their more intimate work less charming. The soft ballads that were so wonderfully naked on previous LPs are substituted with boring, barely noticeable synth and acoustic guitar drones.
The highlights on Wincing the Night Away are the mid-tempo and upbeat songs. "Turn On Me" has a gorgeous Morrissey-influenced vocal hook and the bangle of the guitars really compliment The Shins' latest directional choice. I keep thinking that Mercer's voice reminds me of what might happen if Weezer's Rivers Cuomo ever grew up (see "Girl Sailor"). Still, as flawed as this record may be, I can't think of a better way for a deserving band to get their due.
posted by Chris on February 6, 2007 10:22 AM in Games
There's just something vaguely wrong about this image. Having Ben Grimm from the Fantastic Four stare at you begrudgingly while you teeter his joystick back and forth most likely already has a fetish site devoted to it, but there ya go.
You can pick one of these up for around $20. I can think of a better way to spend my money, personally. I know there are a ton of these movie tie in plug and play games, but honestly. Didn't the designer stop for a second and think? Didn't the designer then check with someone else to make sure his design is good? Then didn't that person check with their boss before production began?
posted by Chris on February 5, 2007 6:59 AM in Podcast
The Weekly Geek is back in full force, with Frodo and The Geek bringing you a follow up to this week's top 5 list. Also discussed is Ghostbusters news, lawsuits and the horror that is Rachael Ray's new olive oil line. They also touch on the hot topic of this week, the Mooninites debacle. Frodo suggests that the police go fuck themselves, and sodomy is mentioned a number of times. Hotel Dusk, Gears of War, DDR... yes video games are talked about as well. Subscribed to the podcast yet? No? Well, now's your chance! Here are some show notes.
Well, I was listening to my favorite radio show Opie and Anthony the other day when Anthony got into a rant about him trying to install Vista. It turns out that his relatively new computer wasn't compatible for some reason. He made some adjustments and has put together this lovely tutorial on "How to Install Windows Vista". Be sure to click the link below and watch.
Super Mario All Stars. A great title for the SNES that took the original 4 Mario games and added enhanced graphics and better music, all while keeping the essentials that made these games classic. It was a makeover, one that Tyra Banks is still trying to emulate to this day. We've seen some great ones over the years, most recently with titles like Mega Man Powered Up, taking Mega Man 1 and turning it into a 3d hydrocephalitic chibi funtime romp. Without changing the basics of what makes these games great, makeovers rekindle what we loved about them in the first place. Here is a list of games we think could really use the All-Star treatment.
Frodo:
5: Mega Man 2 - Arguably the best game of the series, Mega Man 2 really needs the Powered Up treatment. Enhanced music, a level editor, expanded gameplay... I am drooling just thinking about it. Just put it on something a bit more accessable than the PSP, mmkay?
4: Maniac Mansion - I am aware that this LucasArts masterpiece has been re-done by people on the interwebs already, but I would love to see an enhanced version for a major console. A Wii version with beautiful hand-drawn characters and voice acting would basically make me weep with joy.
3: Secret of Mana - This game is already pretty gorgeous, one of the most visually and audably stunning titles on the SNES, but imagine it on a current system with Squeenix's Mana lineup. Lush environments, fully orchestrated soundtrack, cutscenes and online co-op would make this classic even classic-er. Classic-er?
2: Starcraft - Even by today's standards, Starcraft is a good looking PC real time strategy game. Imagine it using Blizzard's Warcraft III engine and you have a title that would make them tons of cash for many more years to come. Heck, the country of Korea alone would make this venture cost-effective.
1: The Legend of Zelda - We've seen the NES Zelda ported to the Gamecube on a collector's disk, to the GBA with the collector's series and now to the Virtual Console on the Wii, but it has always been untouched. I would love to see a Mario All-Stars treatment for Zelda. Imagine Zelda 1 and 2 with Link to the Past or Minish Cap quality graphics and remixed music. I'd wet myself, die, and then wet my corpse. We got a remake of the first Metroid a couple of years ago, why not your biggest cash cow, Nintendo? I'd drop a cool 1000 Wii points on that title in a heartbeat.
The Geek:
5: Uniracers - Take this awesomely fun SNES classic, crank up the visuals to 11, and give it some great Wii controls and you'll have a hit.
4: The THQ/AKI WWF/WCW games from the N64 - I still consider these games to be the pinnacle of 'rasslin games, at least from a gameplay standpoint. The controls were so easy to pick up and the animation of the wrestlers was so smooth. I would love to see something pretty much exactly like these games, except with a graphical and audio overhaul, making sure they leave the good animation intact.
3: Toe Jam and Earl - I love this Genesis classic. A great way to while away an afternoon. I would love to see it with some much more sharp and detailed graphics. Though I can't decide if I'd want it to be really, really detailed sprites or full on cel-shaded 3D. Either would work. Oh, and while we're at it, let's hire George Clinton and his crew to funk up the soundtrack something fierce.
2: Starfox 64 - One of my very favoritest games, Starfox got absolutely no respect on the GameCube with the horrible Starfox Assault game. The arwing levels were perfect, but everything else sucked hardcore. Give me Starfox 64 with really, really shiny new graphics and I will be in hog heaven.
1: Final Fantasy VII - Rumored, speculated, rumored some more, an updated FF7 has been the holy grail for Final Fantasy fanboys. Advent Children gave us a taste of what it could be like. FF7 was amazing when it came out, but even just compared to the next in the series, the visuals are just embarassing any more. Giant cubes for hands? Come on! And imagine, if you will, that entire soundtrack performed by a full, real live orchestra. Beauty.
Honorable Mention: Goldeneye - I really considered putting this on the list, but it's pretty much already been made thanks to the amazing Source engine and the rabid modding community out there.
What do you think would be a good game to give a makeover to? Post your suggestions in the comments!
posted by Mike on February 1, 2007 12:00 AM in Music
Geeky CD Review: "Neon Bible" Arcade Fire
Generally I'm not a huge fan of the track-by-track album review. However, when you're dealing with Arcade Fire's new record (arguably the most anticipated release of the last 3 years), properly dissecting every electric page of the upcoming Neon Bible would be the most prudent course of action.
After 2004's Funeral, Neon Bible strays away from the previous quaint, loveable vignettes about the neighborhood in favor of heaping sociopolitical commentaries and anti-commercial religion cries. Although this development may not be favorable for people like me, who believe the Bush/Right Wing-bashing subject more than a bit played out to be entertaining, the music is strong enough on this LP to keep Arcade Fire high up the charts and deep in the hearts of their earnest followers until the next set of songs.
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Overview: Accused of being a tag-along for the Halo 3 beta, Crackdown is at first glance a Grand Theft Auto clone. It has strikingly similar gameplay (open-ended sandbox-style) and even gets as close as a lack of a soundtrack except when in a vehicle. Reviewers all over the interwebs are saying it stands on its own, and DESTRUCTOID's own Rob Summa can't stop gushing about it. Personally I was never a fan of the GTA series. I appreciated the concept and respected it for that it brought to the genre, but it just bored me. I love a good story, and I love deep immersive gameplay. Crackdown seems like a game I would pick up, play for 15 minutes, and fall asleep bored. This actually ends up not being the case. I just can't put it down.
I have very fond memories of spending the night at my friend Mark's house in middle school, staying up all night playing on his PC (he was the only one of our group that had Windows 95), obsessing over games like Warcraft II and The Dig. I played The Dig all the way through in one sitting, and from what I can remember it was a masterpiece. 
An overflowing tank of gas. A six pack of six packs. Food and schooling for a starving child in a third world country for a year. These are all things that you can spend thirty bucks on. And now, thanks to Microsoft, there's more! The Xbox 360's Platinum Hits collection will be expanded this month, adding Rockstar's Table Tennis, Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter, Battlefield 2, Call of Duty 2, Dead or Alive 4 and more to the budget-priced selection.
We've all had awful experiences at Gamestop and EB Games. These juggernauts of corporate greed have pushed out all the "mom and pop" game stores and taken over the used game market. They are notorious for buying low and selling high. Got an Xbox 360 game you're bored of? Take it to Gamestop! You'll get $20 for it! 'Course, they will turn right around and sell that game for $55, but what do you care? 
Overview: Wii Play is a new concept being pushed by Nintendo, it's like that scuba diving game you used to play back in middle school that taught you how to use a mouse. It is a series of Wii Sports-style minigames (even using the same menus and similar music) that function as an introduction to using the Wii Remote to play games. The games are long enough to be interesting, but short enough to be... interesting. Who exactly is this game marketed toward? Read my opinions after the jump.
Hey all you geek-kateers, the show for this week is going to be slightly delayed due to some special stuff going down. I don't wanna completely spill the beans, but I can let you know that we are going to be recording the show at the special subterranean complex headquarters of a giant international entertainment conglomeration. And joining us will be the mastermind behind the inner business workings to answer our most probing questions and to talk in general with us about the Gamut of Geekery™.
There's just something vaguely wrong about this image. Having Ben Grimm from the Fantastic Four stare at you begrudgingly while you teeter his joystick back and forth most likely already has a fetish site devoted to it, but there ya go. 
